I always had a big heart. When I was in love, I WAS IN LOVE. I was sprung, head over hills, and just soooo deep in it. I never was a cheater and I always loved and honored my man. I always cooked for him, treated him like a king, and made sure I kept my sex game on point. Well, I did all that until he dissed me or cheated on me, which seemed to happen a lot when I was a teenager; but luckily, that never stopped me from loving the next man.
I have learned a lot of lessons growing up. Number One: I learned to never judge a book by its cover. And when I say book, I mean men. You never know what type of man you will meet. Just because a guy looks good and seems nice, DOESN’T MEAN A DAMN THING! Just because he comes off as a good man doesn’t mean that he won’t hurt you in the worse possible way later on down the line. Also just because a man has a “street” profession doesn’t necessarily mean that he will cheat on you, get you pregnant, and leave you in a heartbeat. Not all “street men” are the stereotypical type of thug. They don’t all hang out on street corners, they don’t all disrespect women and only want them for their pussy, and they don’t all dress dirty and sag their pants.
Number Two: I have learned that not all friends are good ones. HA! I just laughed when I said that because I had to find that out the hard way. Boy have I had lots of problems with so called friends. I’ve gotten into fights which could’ve led to homicides, I got sliced with razors, I helped a “friend” in need which could’ve landed me and my man in prison, I've been called all kinds of names, and I have done all I could to help my friends; but never really got that in return.
And Number Three: I learned that everything that happens in your life happens for a reason. I have been to hell and back since I was a teenager. I suffered a lot of pain because of the terrible things that men have done to me, I have lost loved ones, gotten pregnant, and have come close to losing my life more than once; and all that was before I reached age 19. But through all the pain, tears, violence, heart ache, sadness, and liquor, I can say that I’m happy it all happened. Because what has happened to me during my short life, is what brought me to be the loving, caring, and happy woman that I am today. Because of the horrible and sad things that have happened to me, I have met some really good people; people that I would do anything and everything for, which would do the same for me in return. Because of the things that had happened to me, I can thank God for waking me up every day and giving me another chance at life.
Bad things may have happened to me and “Drama” may have been my middle name, but I wouldn’t change a damn thing about my life because I have developed some really good relationships with people, I gained a new and loving family, and I have also had some really really really good sex…
My name is Kamya. I am currently 21 years old and I grew up in The Chi. No, not the downtown Chicago that you see on TV with the big beautiful buildings and all the white business men that dress in suits and walk fast as hell on their way to work. Not the windy city that was runner up to holding the 2012 Olympics and where Obama is from. But the Chi; the hood of Chicago.
The hood is not always as bad as it seems, it can sometimes be a beautiful place. You can leave the house on beautiful summer mornings and see lil kids riding their bikes, hear birds singing songs, and see young couples smiling at each other and holding hands as they walk down the street. But then again, if you turn down the wrong street, you will see a whole nother story. You may see crack heads begging for change, dirty dudes selling loose squares, and the police lining niggas up on the curb searching for weed and crack bags. But one thing I have always loved about The Chi, were the fine ass black men that I was lucky enough to run into. Those men were sexy! I’m talking about the tall, thick, cocky, chocolate brothas with smiles that would melt your heart and game that would make your pussy cum in a second. I’m taking about the caramel men that would make you gladly give it up to them and leave your pussy begging for more. I loved my Chi-town men and they damn sure loved me.
I had a thick body since I was about 12 years old, which got me into a lot of trouble later on in life. I started high school with a size Double D Bra and I graduated with two Triple Ds sitting high on my chest and a round juicy booty to match. I was about 5'5"-5'6" and never had a stomach when I was younger which made my ass and titties stand out even more. My medium brown skin, straight white teeth, and big brown eyes, had niggas crashing cars when I left the house. And for some reason, I loved the attention.
I always was a really smart girl. I wasn’t just book smart; I knew the streets, I knew all the common shit that the average people didn’t know, and I knew everything about sex. Making men cum was natural for me. I knew all the twist and turns in bed and had a lot of good tongue tricks. I was a fuckin' sex Goddess and I had it written all over me. I wasn't a hoe and never had one night stands, but I was definitely a FREAK and was proud of it.
As beautiful and as smart as I was, I couldn’t find the right man for me. I couldn’t find a man that I could be serious with and be able to trust. I just kept finding men that only wanted to have sex with me. By the time I was 17, I couldn’t even find a good lookin’ man. Not at school, definitely not in my neighborhood, or anywhere else in Chicago for that matter; however, that changed when I talked to my Best friend Bri.
***THE BAD IDEA***
Bri and I were friends since we were sophomores in high school. We stayed around the corner from each other and were a lot alike. She was about 5'8", chocolate skin, slim, and pretty. With her and I together all the time, niggas just couldn’t think straight, and we loved the attention.
For a while, we both had bad luck with men. We always had a lot of men to talk to throughout high school but they all seemed to be losers. When I became a senior in high school, I couldn’t find a good man for shit, let alone a loser; but for Bri, that wasn’t the case.
She always had a dude calling her phone and every time she went out with one, he was as fine as can be. I didn’t know where all her fine ass men were coming from, so one day I asked.
Thinking back, I wish I never asked that question. I should've just kept shit to myself. Talking to Bri that night is want caused years of pain for me later on down the line. Asking her that one little question is what forever changed my life in ways that weren’t so positive.
"Bri, where are you meeting all these fine men from and where the hell can I get me one?" I asked smiling as I looked over at her.
She laughed. "Girl, all you gotta do is go on Vibe Line. You want me to give you the number?" she asked. She pulled out her phone then searched through her contact list.
"Vibe Line?” I asked, trying to pretend like I didn’t know what she was talking about. “What the hell is that?"
The Vibe Line commercials use to come on every night. I would always see the sexiest women and men that you’ve ever seen calling the line and chatting with hardly no clothes on. I even thought about calling them one day but that seemed a little bit too desperate for me.
"You don’t know what Vibe Line is?” Bri asked shockingly. “Girl, you don’t know what you have been missing. I've been getting on there for three weeks now and I already got like 4 dudes blowing up my phone," she said.
As she talked on and on about the guys she met, I looked around outside and noticed how late it was getting. We stayed late after school that day and were heading home later than usual. Since her house is closer to the bus stop, I always walked her home first then walked around the corner to my house.
"Here,” she said as she forced the phone into my hand, “put this number in you' phone."
“So this is the number to Vibe Line?” I asked.
She smiled. “Yeah.”
Something told me not to take it, but my dumb ass took it anyway.
"So why did you start getting on Vibe Line anyway?" I asked disgustedly. "Don’t you think that that’s going a little too far to look for a man?"
"Shit u aint gotta say it like that, Mya. I don’t see you’ phone ringing all the time so shut up," she said.
Judging from the attitude that I could hint in her voice, I could tell that she was getting annoyed with me.
"Bri, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not judging you or anything. I’m just saying, talkin' on the phone to men you don’t even know seems little too… desperate. What if he’s a stalker or ugly? What if he's a rapist or something?"
"Damn, Mya," Bri said laughing, "You’re acting like all these niggas that come up to you on the street can't be rapist. Girl, anybody can be but that aint gonna stop me from finding a man. And as far as ugly goes, that’s what we have camera phones for." She opened up her phone then showed me a picture of one of the guys that she was talking to.
"Ooooo weeee, baby is fine!" I said smiling as I looked at the picture. “And he Caramel too? Damn... Who is this?"
"His name is Jamel,” she said smiling. “I met him the first night I got on Vibe Line and we've been talking ever since then. I got lots of pictures of him in here,” she said as she scrolled through her pictures. “And girl, he sent me a pic of his dick too! I want him to fuck the shit outta me. And he be sounding good as hell over the phone.” When she found a picture of his dick she showed it to me. “Here, you wanna see it?"
I took the phone from her then looked at the screen. "Damnnn!" was all I could say. As soon as I saw the picture, I immediately pictured me sucking the shit out of it.
"I told ya, girl. You should get on there. All you gotta do is record a greeting about how you look and what you like in a guy. After that, you get to listen to all the men’s greetings then send messages to the ones you like. Once u find somebody that u seem interested in, send them pictures of you, swap numbers, and there you go."
"It's that easy huh?” I asked smiling. “Shit after seeing the pictures you showed me, it just might be a good idea.”
"Girl, yeah. It won’t hurt to try. And if u don’t like it, Mya, then don’t call back. Simple as that."
"Ok, girl. I’ll see you at school on Monday. Imma go home because it’s getting too dark out here.”
“Alright, girl. I’ll talk to you later,” Bri said. “And have you some fun tonight.”
I laughed at the grin Bri flashed at me before walking off. When I got home, I changed my clothes, got on my bed then called the number that Bri gave me.
"I guess I can give Vibe Line a shot. I might meet my Prince Charmin’ tonight," I said smiling effortlessly as I dialed that number.
But oh how wrong was I! I just had to ask Bri that damn question! I was not prepared for the type of man that Vibe Line had in store for me…
"Hi and Welcome to Vibe Line, where real guys meet real women. If you're ready to chat then push the star key now," said the woman on the Vibe Line voice machine.
"Ha, real guys meet real women?... So corny," I thought to myself, as I pushed the star key.
"If this is your first time calling, push one. If you're already a member, push two," said the voice machine.
I nervously pushed one.
"To become a member, you have to first set up a pin and a password. If you're ready to set up your pin and password, push one."
"Damn, Bri didn’t say I had to do all of this. I’m ready to meet my dream man," I said as I pressed the one button. I set up my pin and password then waited for her to tell me what to do next.
"Your pin and password has been set. Now you're ready for action... It’s now time to record your name. Please say your name after the tone… “BEEEP”
"Mya," I said after I heard the “Beep” sound.
"Ok your name has been recorded. You're almost ready to mingle; but first you have to set up your greeting. Your greeting is your introduction. Make sure you say your name, your age, how you look, and what you're looking for. When you're finished, push the pound key."
"Ok, I can do this," I said with confidence. "Good thing I already have my greeting written down. So all I gotta do is say it like it’s off the top of my head."
I took a deep breath then recorded my greeting. "Hey what’s up, this is Mya. I’m 5'5"-5’6", brown skin, I have long brown hair, big pretty eyes, a very pretty face, and I’m very very thick in all the right places. I like to go out, have fun, and just make the best out of life..."
"Make the best out of life? That was lame," I thought to myself.
"...Anyways, I’m looking for a tall, dark, and handsome brotha between the ages of 19 and 23. If you have a good since of humor, know how to treat a real woman, and can make me smile, then hit me up."
When I was done recording, I pushed the pound key.
"Ok, your greeting has been recorded. You are now ready to meet guys..."
"Finally, this process is taking way too long," I said to myself.
"…Whenever you hear a greeting that you like,” the voice machine said, “Push One to send them a message. If you don’t like what you hear, Push Two to go to the next greeting. If you feel that the person is abusive, racist, or if you just don’t want him contacting you, Push Three to block them. And if you hear this sound: ‘Ding Ding Ding’, that means that someone liked your greeting and sent you a message… When you're ready to get into some action, push the star key."
“Damn I’m ready!” I said as I pushed the hell out of that star key.
After a few seconds of waiting, I heard the first man's greeting. "Hi all you beautiful ladies out there. This is the one and only, Darrell..."
"Aw hell naw," I said laughing, "I know this nigga didn’t just say ‘the one and only’."
I pushed TWO to skip his message.
"Hey you lovely women, this is the Love Monster,” the next man said. “I’m a short, Caucasian male and I’m looking for a big, beautiful, woman to dominate my cock. Ahhhhhh,” he moaned. “I love fat, black, vagina and I can't wait to be smacked around and forced to eat off the floor! If that’s you,” he moaned, “then push the one button and send me a message."
"WHAT THE FUCK?" I asked out loud as I looked shockingly at the phone. "Did this man just say he wanted to eat off the floor? What the hell am I getting myself into?"
I pushed THREE to block him then went to the next message.
"DING DING DING,” the voice machine said. “That sound means that you have a message."
“I hope it aint the Love Monster,” I said as I waited to hear the message.
"Hey, Ma, how you doing?” the message said. “My name is Shawn. I heard your greeting and you sound like the perfect woman for me. I like to go bowling, I got a good head on my shoulders, and I can definitely make you smile..."
"Wow that was fast. I’m hearing from a nice guy already," I said smiling.
"...you said you were thick in all the right places right? So how much you weigh then? Are you fat? How big are your panties? Can your titties fit in my..."
I took the phone from my ear and looked at the screen in shock then pushed the hell out of that three button. I pushed that button so hard I thought I broke my phone.
"Man, I knew this line had all these crazy mf'ers on here," I said irritantly. But for some reason, I stayed on.
"Hi ladies,” the next guy said. “How are y’all doing tonight? My name is Darius. I’m 6'2", caramel completed, and laid back. I’m cool, calm, and collected. I’m drug, disease, and drama free. I like to have fun and I have a good sense of humor. I’m a good man before anything and I know how to treat a woman. I’m 25 and I stay in the Chicago Land area. If you like what you hear then leave me a message."
"Damn, daddy, you sound so sexy," I said to myself, "I think Imma send you a message… WAIT, did he say 25?"
See, at the time I was only 17; however, I did look and act much older. I always dated much older guys because boys my age were just so fuckin’ immature and older men seemed to understand me better. At that age, men couldn’t tell the difference from if I was 17 or 23 and really didn’t care. But 25 was a little too old for me.
"Whateva,” I said as I pushed the one button to leave him a message. “He seems to be the nicest man on here so far. I guess I’ll send him a message."
"Hey, Darius,” I said on the message. “How are you? You seem like a really nice guy and I would like to get to know you better. You should check out my greeting and let me know if you're interested," I said in the sexiest voice I could. My voice was always sexy and sweet but that night I was sounding so good, just saying the alphabet would make a nigga dick get hard.
"DING DING DING,” the machine sounded. “You have another message.”
"Hey, Mya. This is Tyrone. I’m tall dark and handsome. I’m 6 feet, dark skin, I have dreads, and I'm very muscular built. I’m 21 and I’m calling from the Northwest Indiana area. It takes me only 20 minutes to get to Chicago. I loved your message and hope I get to hear from you."
"DING DING DING,” the machine sounded again. “You have another message.”
"Hey, Sexy. You sound so cute. My name is Jeremy. I stand about 5'9" and I weigh about 180; all muscle. I rap, I work full time, and I would love to make you happy. I’m a nice person and would love to get to know you. Send me a message."
"Damn, this line is picking up,” I said smiling. “I sent a message and received two of them in less than 5 minutes."
"DING DING DING. You have another message."
"Hi, Mya, this is Darius. I heard the message that you sent me and I listened to your greeting. You sound so beautiful and I would love to get to know you. I know this is kind of quick but would you like to swap numbers and I can call you tonight? I’m about to get off of here because my battery is about to die. My number is. (***)***-****. Send me yours."
"Wow, switching numbers already, I barely even know the dude," I said as I thought about it. "Oh well, that’s what I got on here for. I guess I'll send him my number. What’s the worst that can happen?"
After about an hour of listening to sex messages and nymfos, I finally got off the line. I actually felt pretty good about getting on. I got about 4 numbers; Darius's, Jeremy's, Tyrone's, and this other dude that I didn’t plan on calling. It just felt good to have all those numbers in a short amount of time.
I looked over at the time and noticed that it was going on 11 pm. “Damn. Darius never did call me,” I said as I checked my missed calls. "I guess he forgot."
I stripped down butt naked then got under the covers. I don’t know why but I always enjoyed sleeping naked. It felt so comfortable to feel my skin rub up against crisp, white sheets, fresh out the dryer. I lay on my back and since I turned off the light, I had nothing to look at but the pitch black ceiling.
From his greeting, Darius seemed like the perfect man for me. He was the right height, he had the right voice, and there was just something about him that excited me. Just thinking about his voice made my pussy wet. I imagined him laying next to me, telling me all the things he wanted to do to me. I could feel him kissing my neck, squeezing my titties, and asking me if I wanted to make love to him that night. Damn, thinking about him just felt so real. His tongue went between the middle of my chest and gently licked around my nipples, forcing me to moan his name softly. And him whispering in my ear, telling me the things he wanted to do to me, was all it took before I begged him to fuck me.
"Ooooo shit, daddy!... Oooo Shit!” I moaned loudly as I imagined him there with me. “Fuck me... FUCK ME, DARIUS!... Oh, fuck this pussy and don’t stop!.. AW SHIT, PAPI!... Oh fuck me!... You like fuckin’ this pussy don’t you?” I moaned. “I want you to cum all over this fat ass, Darius! CUM ON MY ASS, DADDY!... SHIT! MAKE MY PUSSY SCREAM YOUR NAME! Oh my God!... I’m finna cum! Oooh shit, I FINNA CUM ON THAT FAT DICK! Ohhhh shit…"
"RING! RING! RING!" my cell phone sounded.
I opened my eyes then squinted at the phone screen. "Who is this callin' my phone at 1 am?" I asked. Before I answered the phone, I reached down between my legs and felt how wet I was. “Damn, did I just have a wet dream? I didn’t even know I fell asleep. It felt so real.”
"HELLO," I answered angrily.
"Hey, Mya. What you doing?"
"Bri?" I said while looking at the screen. "What you' ass doing callin' me so late? Girl, you interrupted..." I stopped talking then got quiet.
"Interrupted what? Its only 1 o'clock on Saturday night. Plus, we always talk this late. What's wrong with you? And why you’ ass breathing so hard?"
"Um... I’m breathing hard ‘cause I had to run to the phone to answer for you," I lied.
"Girl, I was callin’ to talk to you. Remember Mel, the dude who picture I showed you? Well he just left my house."
"What? Girl it’s only been 3 weeks since you started talking to him. Your mama didn't see him in your room?"
"Naw, Mya. You know my mama go to sleep at like 8 pm. He didn’t get over here until 10:45 and since my brothers don’t get in the house until after 2 am, he stayed in the room with me for a while.”
“Girl,” she said interrupting me, “I know what you’re about to say. I moved a little too fast with him tonight but I think I’m in love with him. I never felt so..."
"Click Click,” my other line beeped.
"Girl, sorry to cut you off but hold on real quick. It’s my other line," I said quickly. She said “ok” then I clicked over. "Hello," I said when I clicked over.
"Hey, Sweet Heart. How you doing? I hope I didn’t call too late."
"Who is this?" I asked. Although I tried to act as if I didn’t know, I knew exactly who it was. I never did forget how his voice sounded.
"This is Darius. I met you on Vibe Line a little earlier. I know it’s kinda late but I had to babysit my lil cuz tonight and his mama didn’t come to get him on time. What you doing up so late, Miss Lady?"
"Nothing," I said in the flirtiest voice I could. "I’m just up enjoying this beautiful winter’s night."
"You sure you not thinking about me?" he asked jokingly .
And that was it, the very first time I smiled at him…
We stayed up all night talking about everything from music to the weather and even how crazy the city is. He was so perfect over the phone and every time he spoke, I got goose bumps all over my body. I felt like I was in the same room with him as I listened to him talk in my ear. The entire time, I imagined myself lying on his chest while he rubbed his finger tips along the arch of my back.
"You got a camera phone, Ma?" he asked. I loved when he called me those sexy names. Coming from his mouth, “Ma” sounded like he called me Queen.
“Damn, I knew it was something I forgot to do today,” I said in my head.
"Sorry, Darius. I spilled water in my phone and my camera stopped working. I can’t send or receive picture messages on this phone. I was supposed to go and get me a new phone after school earlier that day, but I forgot because I was talking to Bri. "I can send you a picture of me tomorrow when I get my new phone. I’ll send it to you right away just in case you don’t believe me when I say that I look good.”
"Ok, Mya. It’s up to you. It doesn’t matter to me because I can tell that you are beautiful just by listening to you talk."
"Awww," was all I could say…
It was then 7 am and we were still talking on the phone. Up until a couple hours before then, I didn’t even realize that I never clicked back over to Bri.
“Oh, well. Too late now,” I said in my head. “Bri would understand when I tell her what I’ve been up to.”
"Damn, Mya, you know it’s like 7:15 am right?" he asked.
"Yeah, I just checked. Wow, we've been talkin’ for 6 hours, Darius. I didn’t know you would keep me up this late. If I did, I would've never answered the phone,” I said jokingly.
"Oh, you got jokes huh? Don’t make me jump through this phone."
"I wish," I whispered, not realizing what had slipped out of my mouth.
"Shiiiddd,” he said lustfully, “I wish too… Anyways," he said, quickly changing the subject, "Imma let you get some sleep and I’ll give you a call in the afternoon. You gonna answer for me?"
"I'll think about it," I said in a flirtatious voice.
"Shit, I hope so. You sound so good right now, Ma. You don’t know what you’re doing to me,” he said smiling through the phone. “Good night, Mya."
"Good night, Boo."
When I got off the phone, I lay there in silence and thought about how that “wonderful” man got me hooked on him and how getting on the line was such a good idea...
...If only I knew the fuckin’ future!
I finally woke up at 4 pm on Saturday. Although it was 9 hours since I got off the phone with Darius, our conversation was fresh in my mind. That man had really gotten to me. I guess talking to him for 6 hours straight made me feel close to him.
I sat up on my bed wondering what I should do that day. It was Saturday afternoon and since it was the beginning of November, It was chilly outside.
"Mya, you’re just now getting up? You know it’s like 4:10 right?"
"Yeah, Ma. I know what time it is. Dag, I do know how to read a clock," I said, with an attitude.
I loved my mother and I knew she loved me but I always had an attitude towards her. Part of it was because I was a teenager, I was confused about life, and I wished I were closer to her. The other part was because she never talked to me about woman-type things. I never had the first period talk, or the sex talk, or the talk about how men will play games with me just to abandon me later. Because of not talking to my mother, I never did feel close to her; and for that reason alone, I dealt with secrets, sadness, and stress all on my own.
My mom and I always played video and board games together, joked around, watched movies, and she always gave me money. She punished me when she was supposed to and congratulated me when she had a reason. So to her, I had no reason to always have an attitude.
My mother was always with me. Her and my father met when they were 17, had me when they were 20, got married at 21, and separated when they were 24. My father moved to North Carolina and I only saw him once or twice a year. I talked to him on the phone every now then, and over the phone, we had a good relationship. But as much as I loved him, I secretly hated him because I held him 100% responsible for my need to be loved by older men. When I was a teenager, I didn’t know that craving love and attention from men was my way of subconsciously begging my father to come and rescue us. I always thought that he just up and left my mom and I to struggle. Although he did leave, it wasn’t what he wanted to do. Growing up, my mother was never feeling well and couldn’t work as much as we needed. We still had an apartment and food to eat but I could tell that our lives were being pulled away from us and the only way to catch it was by the rope that my mama barely held onto.
"Mya, you don’t have to always have a snotty attitude,” my mother said. “I was just making sure you knew how late it was because Gina has been calling all day to make sure you were still coming at 5:30."
"Oh, the Candy store!” I said as I jumped out of bed. “Ma, I forgot all about that. Did she say what time I’ll be done working today?"
"No, she just said make sure you are there on time for your orientation." She walked away from my door and walked back to her room.
Right then and there, I just wanted to call her back to my room apologize for getting and attitude and tell her how much I loved her. She was just reminding me about the job she got me at her friend's candy store, but I was such a damn smart ass, I couldn’t stop and realize that she was just caring for me. As much as I wanted to just break down on her shoulder, tell her all the bad things that had happened to me, and thank her for being my rock, I just couldn’t. It's like I lost my voice when it came to that kind of stuff.
"Oh, well. I have no time for that now. I gotta get dressed and rush over to this store," I thought to myself. "Maybe I’ll have a chance to talk to her about that some other time..."
***THE CANDY STORE***
When I got off the bus in front of the candy store, I felt like I was on Skid Row. There were groups of dirty black men on each street corner begging for change, stalking women down the street, and looking for crack. Gang members were shakin' up in front of corner stores, teenage hoes were walking up and down the street looking to buss down, and little kids were walking home by themselves because their dumb ass parents were too careless to pick them up from school.
"Hey, Mya," Gina said as she kissed me on the cheek. "Oh my God you look just like your mother! You probably don’t remember but when you were little, you used to tag along with us at work when you got out of school early."
"I remember,” I said. “So this is the store?” I asked as I looked around. “This is nice, Gina."
The store was so beautiful. Little kids would feel like they were dreaming when they walked in. The front of the store was all glass windows so you could see right in. Instead of wall paper, the walls were hand painted to look like a mini candy heaven. The top of the walls and ceiling were filled with clouds and had Skilltles and ice cream cones falling from a rainbow. The bottom of the walls were sky blue, with birds flying around, carring Toosie Rolls and peppermints in their mouths. In the very corner of the ceiling, there was a huge sun with its drawn rays stretching throughout the ceiling of the store.
"GENIUS!" I said to myself.
"Yes,” Gina said as she looked around, “this is it. The young guy that works in the T-Shirt store a couple of buildings over painted all of this by hand... Now, you will be working back here," she said as she unlocked the door to the cashier counter.
The counter’s glass was all bullet proof so no one could touch me or get to me unless they had a key; which was smart because of the type of people in that neighborhood.
After orientation, I got right to work. It was Saturday evening so we already had a lot of customers and since Gina was a beautician and owner of the Salon/Barbershop next door, I had to work by myself.
"Damn, Baby!” a dude said as he walked up to the counter. “You work here? What you' name is?... Shit, can I have a lollipop with you on the top of it? And can my home boy over here get a lick too?" He laughed at his own corniness then stared at me. The look he gave me told me that he was ripping my clothes off with his eyes.
"Excuse me!” I said. “Look, if you’re not buyin' anything then you need to move out of these lil kids' way."
He looked at me with an attitude then walked out the door and stood in front of the store. After the little kids left, his friend came up to the register. "Sorry about that,” his friend said. “That fool can never use his brain around a beautiful woman... So how do you like workin' over here so far?"
I usually would ignore dudes in that area because I knew how they were, but he was different. That man seemed very down to Earth and I could tell by the way that he talked that he was a sweet heart.
"It’s cool. I grew up not too far from here so this isn't anything that… that I… that I’m not used to anyway," I said stuttering. For a second there, I forgot how to talk properly because I was too distracted by his sexy lips.
That man was a cutie. He was brown skin, about 5' 11", thick, and very fine. He had a very seductive smile that was complimented by his sexy goatee and eye lashes that just made me melt.
"This place is nice,” he said. “How do you like the walls and stuff, Mya?"
"It's aight. I could of did it much better... I'm just sayin'," I said sarcastically, trying to hold back a smile. “And how do you know my name?"
"Gina told me that you were coming to work here when I was working on the walls last week.” When he said that he was the one that painted the walls, I blushed. “So what were you saying about painting better than me?" he asked with a smirk on his face.
I laughed then smiled at him.
While I was at the store that day, that guy kept me company. He and I talked, and talked, and talked some more. When I had customers, he moved out the way, and when they left, he came right back to my window. He really seemed like a good person and I was happy to have met a friend at work. Since he worked only two stores over and since he was cool with my boss, he seemed like he was one of my coworkers.
"I work in that T-Shirt shop on the corner,” he said as he pointed in the direction that it was. “Since you like to draw, maybe one day after work, you could come over and show me how talented you are."
I sure did wanna show his ass my talents and I’m not talkin’ about drawing. He had me so turned on you could hear my heart beat through my pussy, if you got close enough. He was the type that licked his lips when he talked like LL Cool J did, and I damn sure loved when LL did that.
"Sure, you seem cool. Just let me know when and I’ll be there." I tried to sound as nonchalant as I possibly could but my thirstiness was kind of obvious.
He smiled at me then turned to walk out the door. "Oh, what’s your name by the way?" I asked hurriedly.
"Its Josh," he said smiling.
"Ok, Josh. See you later."
He pulled the glass door open then held it in place with his foot as he reached in his pocket. "Um, maybe I could get your number and we can talk sometimes,” he said.
"Ok, that’s cool," I said, trying to hide my excitement. “I don’t mind.”
He walked back to my window then gave me his number. "Since I work later than you do, I can wait at the bus stop with you when you get off. Just so you won’t be by yourself in the dark. You know how these nasty niggas around here are."
"Yeah I do,” I said in my head.
“Thanks, Josh. I would really like that."
He gave me a confident smile then left the store.
When I got home it was 10 pm. I was happy to be making a little money for myself instead of asking my mom for it all the time. She wasn’t working enough hours to pay all the bills on time as it was, so she needed a little break.
I walked quietly to my room so I wouldn’t wake my mother up then pulled out my phone. When I looked through my call log, I saw that I had four missed calls; one from Darius and three from Bri.
I wanted to call Bri back to let her know that I met a guy from Vibe Line on Friday and how cool he was, but I didn’t. Instead, I called Darius back. Bri was like my sister and I talked to her all the time, so I figured that one night of not talking to her wouldn’t hurt. She was probably lying up with Mel all night anyway.
I dialed Darius's number and it didn’t even ring twice before he answered.
"Hey, Baby," he said.
"Hey, Darius. You missed me?"
"Hell yeah, girl. You had me thinking about you all damn day."
"Shit, you be on my mind too. My bad about not answering. I started a part-time job today."
"Oh, that's good, Ma. I’m happy for you. I’m sure you got you’ boss up there sweating over you."
I laughed. "No. My boss is a woman and plus she is an old family friend.”
"Shoot, I bet if I were your boss you wouldn’t be gettin’ any work done," he said lustfully.
I laughed. "Oh, is that right, Darius? So what would I be doing then?”
"I can show you better than I can tell you."
"Well right now, I want you to tell me."
Before I knew it, the conversation went from 0 to 100 in seconds.
"OOOO SHIT, Mya, you still playing with that pussy for me?"
"Yes, Darius. Yes," I moaned in the phone. "This Pussy is sooo fuckin' tight."
"Oh hell yeah, baby. I want you to take all nine inches of this big black dick and ride it until you cum, baby."
"Ahhhhh, Darius! Fuck me! Fuck this tight, fat pussy!"
"Damnnn, Mya, I love the way you sound. Say my name for me!"
"Darius," I moaned.
"SAY MY NAME!"
"SAY MY FUCKIN NAME!"
"DARIUS! DARIUS! DARIUS!... OOOOO SHIT, DADDY! OH SHIT!"
"Oh, You like that shit huh, Mya?... I want you to take them big ass titties out that bra for me."
"Yes, oh yes! You like these big ass titties? They are so big; I don’t think you can handle 'em."
“I want you to make me handle them!"
"Damn, Darius,” I moaned. “I want you to make me cum. I want you to take that fat dick out my pussy and fuck my titties with them while I lick that head!" I said as I made sucking noises.
"Damn, Mya. Damn, Mya! You gonna make me cum all on that tongue!"
"Yes cum in my mouth! Cum in my mouth, Darius! Aw shit! Cum in my fuckin’ mouth!"
"Yeah, baby! OOOO FUCK! OOOO FUCK! Let me hear that pussy talk!"
I put the phone in between my legs while I played with myself for a couple minutes.
"OOOO shit, Darius, I’m about to cum,” I said as I played with myself faster.
"Yeah, Mya, cum for me Baby!"
"OOOO Darius! I’m finna cum!"
"OH, you gonna make me bust a nut all in that pussy!"
"OOOOOO, Darius! I’m... Aw shit,” I moaned. “Oh shit... Oh shit. Ohhhhhhhh."
"Yes, baby,” he breathed deeply. “Cum all on this dick!..Cum all on this dick! Damn…"
I woke up the next morning feeling light headed. I didn’t know if it’s because I hadn't eaten much lately or if it was because of how hard I came on the phone the night before.
Darius seemed perfect for me from the start but the night before, sealed the deal for me. I just knew in my head that he was the one. I knew I had to get me a new camera phone so that him and I could finally see each other. I meant to have had it by then but every time I planned to get one, I either was busy that day or I forgot.
I still hadn’t talked to Bri about anything that had been going on. Normally she would’ve called me at least twice a day, but she didn’t. I didn’t even get a text message from of her.
“I guess Mel has her sprung already.”
"RING RING RING,” my cell phone sounded. I picked up the phone and smiled when I saw who it was.
"Hello,” I answered smiling from ear to ear.
"Hey, baby. What you doing tonight?"
"Hey, Josh, nothing much. Just talkin' to you tonight... I hope."
Josh and I had been talking to each other a lot those past couple of weeks. I didn’t know what it was, but there was something about him that I just couldn’t get enough of. He texted me "Good Morning" followed by something sweet when I woke up every day, we talked and texted each other throughout the day, and he would even send me sweet “Good night, beautiful” messages every night. He was truly a sweet heart. He waited with me until I got on the bus after work and then he would call my phone and make sure I made it home safely. He even picked me up after school every other day and treated me to dinner.
Josh was nothing like Darius. Darius was the type to say what was on his mind and get right to the point without warning. But Josh… Josh was the type to always keep you guessing what was next. He was always the type to leave subtle hints and surprise you with things. He was like a big fuckin' tease and I loved every bit of it.
"I got something better planned,” Josh said, smiling through the phone. “I wanted to know if you wanna come over to my shop and hang with me tonight. My co-worker is sick today and my boss is on vacation so I got the store to myself tonight. I gotta close early anyway since I'm the only one here. I thought maybe you would like to come by and see what I do."
"Sure. Shit maybe I can teach you a few things tonight," I said jokingly.
When I said that, I laughed. Although I was really talented when it came to art and drawing, Josh was a lot lot better. He was a fuckin' beast with a steady hand when it came to art. My art work didn’t come close to his and although he knew that, he still smiled whenever I said that I was better than him.
"Ok,” he said laughing. “I’ll check you out tonight and see what you’re workin' with. I might even learn a thing or two… I’ll see you at 7:00."
“Ok. I’ll bring my drawing hands,” I said smiling.
“Alright… You do that.”
When I got to the T-Shirt store it was around 6:30pm. I didn’t expect for the bus driver to drive that fast so I left the house a little early. I walked up to his store then knocked on the door for what seemed like forever. When I didn’t get an answer, I tried to peek in the windows but couldn’t because the security blinds were pulled down all the way which covered the windows completely.
"Damn, I know he didn’t send me off,” I said in frustration. “What the hell is he doing?"
"BANG, BANG, BANG!" I knocked loudly.
"Jooooosh, answer the doooooor," I yelled.
When he finally opened the door, the music that was playing in his store loudly rang through the street.
"Hey, Baby," he said as he kissed me on the cheek.
"What, you forgot I was coming or something? It felt like I was knocking forever," I said with an attitude.
"Of course not,” he said. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t know you would be here this early. I was listening to some music while I was cleaning up."
I took off my coat then walked around. The first thing that I noticed about his store was that it smelled of fresh fruit. I looked around at the racks of clothes, the art displays that were hanging from the ceiling, and all of the art projects that were lined on the walls.
“Wow, this is more than just a T-Shirt store,” I said in my head.
Everywhere I looked, I saw clothing full of color and designs. I saw gym shoes with Disney characters painted on them, "Rest In Peace" t-shirts with people’s faces on the back, full out-fits with sayings air-brushed on them, and I even saw framed canvases stacked in the corner waiting to be sold.
I looked around the store in amazement. "Wow, I didn't know you did this type of work, Josh? You did all this?"
"Yeah, I did,” he said smiling. “Well me, my co-worker, and my boss did; but I did majority of the work since I’m the one that's always here."
"So what exactly do you do for customers?"
"I do whatever the customers ask,” he said. “It can be anywhere from painting on shoes, to photo copying a picture to a shirt. But 90% of my work is air brushing. Have you ever ordered anything to be air brushed before?"
"No. I see a lot of people with air-brushed clothes but I never had anything done. I never even seen it done up close before."
"You haven't?” he asked shockingly. “Well come here. I'll show you."
He grabbed my hand then pulled me to his work area. He just knew that I would want to see him air brush because it seemed like he had everything set up for me to watch him work. He had the air brush gun turned on and ready with the paint filled up to the top. He had his easel standing up high with a T-Shirt placed over it; ready to be painted on, and he had his sleeves rolled up with a towel in his hand.
As I watched him air brush, I could tell that he was in the zone. He was focused and was really good at what he was doing. As I watched his dark brown arm muscles twitch when he painted, I realized just how sexy he was. Although he was painting, he was still dressed nicely. He had on a fresh all white T, with the words "Love Is My Power" air brushed across the back. He had some nice Red Money Jeans on with some fresh Timbs on his feet to match. The watch he had on matched his earrings which matched the smile that he wore on his face. He was looking so good and I couldn't help but be distracted by his body. I was so taken by his finest that I didn’t realize that he was already finished with my picture.
"Mya?... Mya?” he said as he waved his right hand in my face. “I’m done."
"Huh?... Oh right the picture," I said quickly. I stopped the fantasy that I had of him in my head then looked at the shirt. "Oh my God, Josh!” I said smiling as I admired his skillful talent. “That is amazing! How did you do all of this in 10 minutes?"
"Skills,” he said confidently, “and a whole lot of practice, Baby."
I stood there in shock as I traced the art work with my eyes. On a T-Shirt, he air brushed a picture of me sitting by a pond and holding a rose. The picture was very simple, but very very brilliant.
"Perfect," I whispered.
"So would you like to try?” he asked me. “Here, I’ll set you up with a new canvas."
When he bent over to pick up the heavy, white canvas, his arm muscles popped out of his shirt even more than the already were.
"Damn, baby. Oh don’t stop," I said to myself.
For some reason, I always had a big thing for arm muscles. A man with big arms is the sexiest thing to me. I could care less if he man had a 6 pack or a pudge; as long as he had arm muscles.
After he put the huge canvas in place and added more paint to the air brush, he wrapped his arms around me and guided my arm along with his. Damn, he felt good. His big, strong, warm body just had me lost for words. I was wrapped up by his body and felt comfort as I painted with him. Every time my ass brushed up against him, I felt myself getting wet; and it definitely didn’t help that "It Feels So Right" by Lloyd was playing from his radio.
As the song played, it seemed like everything was in slow motion. He went from guiding my arm with his, to guiding my body to the rhythm of the beat. As he rocked my body with his, he slowly put the airbrush down and slid his hands up and down my sides. I could tell that that man had game and he didn’t even have to spit a word to me.
That song seemed to go on forever, but I didn’t care because that’s exactly what I wanted. Our movements went from innocent slow dancing to me grindin' all over or his hard dick. He held firmly on to my hips as I moaned slowly. My seductive moves had him ready to rip off my clothes and take me down, but he didn’t. He was making that moment last. Now there he was teasing me again, but shit... I loved it.
By the end of the Lloyd song, my pussy was so wet you could feel it through the leggings I had on. The next song that played was "Naked" by Marquese Houston. When I heard that song, I just knew that the radio wanted us to have sex that night.
Before the song even hit the first chorus, he was sucking' on my neck.
"Oh, Josh, that’s my spot."
"Oh it is huh?... So do you like this then?" he licked his tongue from the top of my right shoulder and circled it around the edges of my ear. That shit felt so good, I shivered every time he got close to me. The next thing I knew, he was pulling out my titties.
"Mya, you are so sexy! You had me wanting you ever since I first laid eyes on you," he said as he gently squeezed around my breast. He leaned his head forward and licked his tongue around my nipples, making them stand out further than they were.
"Josh,” I moaned as I guided his head around my breast, “you just don’t know what you are doing to me right now."
He softly kissed up my breast, to my neck, then up to my cheek. Without saying anything, his lips met up with mine. Once his lips touched mine, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I sucked on his lips and kissed him so hard I thought our tongues would be tied together. That’s when everything started moving in fast motion. He was pullin' off my shirt and I was unbuttoning his pants.
"Damn, Baby, you wore a thong for me?" he asked as he slid down my leggings.
I couldn't even answer him. I was so focused on getting his dick in me that I didn't even care what he was saying. I took off his pants, pulled down his boxers, and tried to grab his nice sized dick but he stopped me.
my pussy. He was eating me so good, you would’ve thought that I was the bowl of fruit sitting across the room from us.
"Oh, Josh! You are some... thing... ELSE!” I sighed loudly as I grabbed
"Un un.... not so fast," he said.
"What, Josh? What’s the problem? I want you inside of me! Why are..."
"SHHHH...” was all he said.
"But Josh, I..."
He put his finger over my lips. Then without warning, he somehow picked my big ass up and carried me to the back.
In the back room they had 2 really big lounge couches that almost looked brand new. He had a table with lit candles on it and a huge bouquet of Edible Arrangements fruit. Every holiday, I would see an Edible Arrangement commercial with a white guy surprising his wife with it.
Being with Josh just seemed unreal because he was such a fine man and all the time that we spent talking on the phone and seeing each other, really proved to me that he was a great man.
"So that’s why I smelled fruit when I first walked in the door?" I whispered in amazement as I looked around.
"SHHHH, baby. Don’t say a word. Just follow me."
He walked over to his nice, decorative table and picked a big strawberry from the fruit bouquet. He instructed me to lie on the couch then he licked the strawberry and rubbed it around my clit.
“Oooh yes," I moaned softly.
He took a bite of the strawberry then put it up to my lips so I could sample it. "Damn, my pussy taste good," I whispered. He looked at me and smiled then ate the rest of the strawberry.
When he was done, he lay on top of me and starting kissing my lips. When I reached down to grab his dick, he slapped my hand then forced it back down on the couch. Before I could get mad, he pushed back my legs then used his tongue to take over the back of his head. “OH MY GOODNESS! Lick this pussy, baby. Lick my pussy...."
After I came, he wasted no time giving my body what it needed next.
"You still want this dick now, Mya?" he asked as he kissed the inside of my thighs.
"Yes, Josh. Give it to me,” I whispered.
After I said that, I got nervous. I was nervous because I always had a super tight pussy. It didn’t matter how much I had sex with my man or how big his dick was, the next day, it was back to my regular tight size. And since I was already sensitive from cumin’, I know that I would feel his dick even more.
When he stuck his fat head in me, I saw stars. This nigga was good and he knew just how to give it to me right. Feeling his penis inside of me had me at a loss for words. I didn’t know if I wanted to scream in pleasure or whisper in his ear. I didn’t know if I wanted to talk dirty to him or if I just let him talk dirty to me. For the first damn time, I aint have a word to say.
"AHHHHH, you like this dick Mya?" he asked as his rhythm became faster.
"Yes I do, Josh! I really do!" I said loudly. I said that shit so proper he had me feeling like I was born and raised in England or something. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. "OOOOOO, Josh! Make Love to me! Make love to me!... This dick is SO GOOD,” I moaned. “I love it."
"You love it baby?"
"Yes, I love it! Take this pussy from me! Take my pussy!"
"Say my name, baby. Say my name!"
JOSH,” I said loudly.
"Say it again, Mya!... SAY MY NAME AGAIN!"
"OOOOOO, JOSHUA! JOSHUA! JOSHUA!” I I moaned loudly. “I’m about to cum!”
“Mya?" Joshua said smiling at me. I looked up at him then smiled and lay back on his chest.
"You know you mine now, right?" he asked as he rubbed his fingers through my hair.
I smiled. "I better be because I don’t do one night stands."
He smiled again then picked up a strawberry and fed it to me. At that moment, I felt complete, I felt perfect, and I felt free. I was completely taken by that wonderful man that I was laying there with. I felt like a tiny leaf in the air being brushed away by his wind.
It was then January 2008, two months after Josh and I had first met. He was definitely a good man and like always, I was a good girlfriend. We were there for each other when we needed to be, he was understanding, I was fun to be around, and we were a lot alike. For a second, I felt like I had all the attention that I needed from a man.
Bri and I were back to talking like we use to. I told her about Josh and that I was talking to a guy named Darius. I did tell her that Darius and I met on the line a couple months before, but that was all I mentioned about him. It’s not that I didn't want her to know about him, it’s just that he was less important to me now that I had a man. Don't get me wrong, Darius and I still talked on the phone every now and then and still had feelings for each other, but Josh was my number one man and I didn't want to mess that up. Besides, Bri wasn't listening to shit I was sayin'. All she wanted to talk about was how happy Jamel made her.
"Girl, you just don’t know how happy life is now that I got my Mel," Bri said happily over the phone. "I really think that me and him will last forever."
"Forever?!" I laughed loudly. "Don't you think you over doing it a lil bit? You're only 17. Damn, give it some time."
I wasn't trying to sound like I was hating on her relationship; I just got tired of hearing about it. I wanted a chance to talk to her about Josh and I. I wanted to finally be able to talk about how wonderful he was for me and how him and I were going to last forever.
"What the hell does my age got to do with anything?!" she asked angrily. "You of all people should know that love has no face, no color... IT HAS NO AGE!..."
"HA!" I said laughing. "Bri, give me a break and stop being so emotional. Y'all only been together for like... What?... Three months now? What makes you think y'all got what it takes?"
"Think?" she asked rhetorically. "I KNOW we have what it takes?"
"OOOOOO, and how do you KNOW then?" I asked sarcastically.
"Because I..." before she could finish talking, my mother shouted to me from her room.
"Mya!" my mother yelled.
"Yeah, Ma?" I yelled back.
"Ashley just called. She said to call her as soon as possible."
"OK, Ma." I looked back at the phone screen then put it to my ear. "Hello, Bri?" I said as I got back on the phone. "Let me hit you back later."
"Man, whateva," she said with an attitude right before hanging up on me.
I got off the phone relieved that Ashley called because of how annoyed I was getting with Bri. Not just because all she cared and talked about was Mel, but also because it felt different to be around her. Her personality was different and the way she acted was different. Bri was always smiling when I saw her but I could tell that deep inside, she was in pain. I could tell that her life with Mel wasn't as perfect as she tried to make it seem.
Ashley and I were really cool since we were freshmen in high school. Her, I, and Bri considered ourselves sistas. Although Bri and I were closer, I knew Ashley longer.
"Hello?" Ashley said as she answered the phone.
"Hey, Ashley," I said excitedly.
"Hey, I called you' mama's phone because for some reason when I called you, you’ phone went straight to voice mail. It didn't even ring."
"Girl, you know my phone been broke since back in November."
She laughed. "Damn, I thought you been got a new phone."
"I know girl," I laughed, "I just been so busy lately, I don't even care about getting another phone anymore."
"So anyways," she said quickly, "I called you earlier because my mama wanted to know our plans for prom."
"Um, I don’t really have any plans yet, Ash. I know I want us to do a lot but I’m not sure if imma have the money."
"Mya, you know that prom is at the end of May right? Girl, that's only four months away.... You gotta get you’ dress made and that can take atleast 2-3 months; sometimes longer than that. You gotta tell you’ prom date what colors you wearing so he can get his outfit together. We gotta figure out how we're getting to prom, who all ridin' with us, and what we're doing after prom."
For a good 20 minutes, Ashley went on and on about what she wanted to do, who she was taking to prom, what colors she was wearin'. Just like all of my other friends, the conversation was all about HER! Damn, for once could somebody ask how my fuckin' day was going?
"Girl, I don't care what we do as long as we all have fun... Shit, forget fun, as long as I get my drink!" I joked.
She laughed. "Girl you silly. Shoot, I need me a drink too.... Ok, imma hit you back, my mama callin' me. But make sure you answer 'cause we got a lot of prom planning to do!"
"Damn... I aint answerin' then," I mumbled jokingly.
"Huh," she asked laughing. "You betta answer!"
We laughed then got off the phone. Right after I hung up, my mother walked into my room. "Hey, you talked to Ashley yet?" my mother said as she sat on the bed.
"Yeah, she just wanted to know about prom, that's all."
"OOOOOH prom, I can't wait!" my mother said excitedly. "I'm going to have Gina do your hair, all of you all can ride in a limo... but the limo got to be WHITE because that'll go perfect with the red dress imma get you. OOOOOH, a red dress would look so pretty on you!..."
She just talked and talked like she was planning her wedding or something. It's like I wasn't even in the room anymore. My mother was so focused on prom, she didn't even notice me texting Josh on my phone. He asked me if I wanted to go to lunch with him and I said yes.
"...I was thinking that your accessories should be silver," my mother continued, "which will match your shoes and your make up. Hmmm... Who’s going to do your make up? I'll probably have Gina do your make up also..."
"MA!" I yelled interrupting her.
"Can you stop, please! What about what I want?! This isn’t your prom! I want to do my own dang on make up!"
When my mother gave me that, "shut the hell up before you get slapped" look, I lowered my voice and sat there quietly. There I I went being an asshole again. I don't care what reason I had, I had no damn business talking to my mother like that. At least she cared enough to plan a prom for me and use the little money she had to pay for it. There are a lot of people in this world that didn't have a mother, but there I went yelling at mine.
"Alright, calm down, Mya!" she yelled back. "I'm not trying to take your day away from you! I'm just happy for you, that's all. I never had a chance to.... just forget it!" she yelled again as she stood to walk back to her room.
And once again I felt shitty. Why the hell couldn't I control what I say? At the end of the day, I knew she wasn't going to mess up my prom but I just had to put her down anyway.
"Ma?" I said as I quickly ran out to the hall way.
That was it. That was the time that I thought that I could finally apologize to her for my attitude and talk to her about the sad things that were bothering me since I was 14 years old. I wanted to just break down crying and beg her to comfort me. I wanted with all my heart to tell her how much I loved her and how much I needed her to love me.
"I didn't mean to say it like that, Ma," I said in a nervous and shaky voice. "I'm sorry for yelling... Look, Josh wants to go to lunch. He'll be here to get us in 2 hours."
"Us?" she asked shockingly.
I smiled. "Yeah, us. I want you to come. It'll be fun."
She smiled then walked to her room to get dressed.
"Oh well," I said to myself. "That's not want I want to talk to her about so maybe I can take to her about it later."
I knew I had to talk to her one day but not at that time. The only thing on my mind at that moment was picking out an outfit to wear out with Josh. Talking to my mother wasn't a priority right then because I felt like I had forever to talk to her...
...But soon, I would find out that forever was such a short period of time.
After I got dressed, I had an hour before Josh was supposed to arrive, but I called him anyway.
"Hey Baby," Josh said, "You ready for me tonight? I was thinking that we could go and eat at Giordano’s."
Giordano's is a sit down restaurant that is famous for their Chicago Style Deep Dish Pizza. Josh and I went there for our first date but hadn't been back since then, so I knew that taking me back there would be special.
"Mmmm," I said as I licked my lips. "I love Giordano's pizza, but my mama's favorite restaurant is Olive Garden."
"Whatchu mean?" he asked confusingly.
"Well, I told my mother that she could come to lunch with us. I am sorry that I didn't ask you first but I really need to make some stuff up to her and..."
"Its cool baby," he said cutting me off. "You don't have to explain. I'm not mad at you. I mean, I did wanna talk to you about something but it can wait... We'll have fun tonight."
When Josh showed up to the house, he treated my mother and I like queens. He gave us both a single rose, escorted us outside on his arms, and even opened the car doors for us.
"What a gentleman," I thought to myself as I got into the back seat.
After a long time of listening to Josh's lame jokes and my mother's immediate giggles, I was ready to have some alone time with him. We dropped my mother off at her friend's house for the night then went back to my house.
"I got something to talk to you about," I said, as I shyly played with my fingers.
“Look Josh," I said nervously as I grabbed his hand. "We have been good together and you are perfect for me but...."
"But me and you are at different points in our lives. My prom is around the corner and...."
"Prom? That's what this is about?" he asked upsettingly. "Look, I told you that I have clients booked up until the summer. I don't know if I can take that weekend off."
"Exactly," I said loudly. "That's why this can't work for me."
"What?!" he yelled. "Because of one day, Mya? I told you that I don't care if you go with one of your male friends."
"I don't wanna go with them, Josh! I want you! You never have time for me! It's always about your job. I know you love art and all, but damn... put the air brush down and come back to Earth!"
I know y'all are probably thinking that I was stupid for saying that to him but even as wonderful as he was, I knew that that relationship would never have work for me. I wasn't trying to be with him 24/7 but I still wanted my man around. I was 17 at the time. I wanted to go to prom, drink and hang out with friends, go to parties, graduate from high school, and have fun before I got super busy with college. He was 21 and had already experienced college. He was young but he was done with parties and going out on double dates and shit. All he wanted to do was air brush.
He lowered his voice then grabbed my hand again."What do you mean I don't have time for you?" he asked patiently. “What did I do with you and your mom earlier, and what am I doing now?... I'm spending time with you. I took a couple hours off work to be here with you now and that's how you feel? I was supposed to have been back at the shop by now."
"Josh, all we do is go and fuckin' eat, and that's only once a week. Any other time I want to see you is if I come to the damn t-shit shop and watch you paint or whatever the hell it is that you do!"
"Mya! You are actin' like a fuckin' kid right now! Nothing is ever good enough for you."
"News flash, Picasso, I AM A FUCKIN' KID and if you looked in the mirror, you would realize that you aren’t far from being a FUCKIN' KID either! Josh, I can't walk around and pretend like I'm not bothered by the fact that all you do is work. You wake up at 6 am to work on a customer's order and you don't leave the shop until 11:00p.m... and that's on weekends too! Man, go bowling with me or ice skating. I wanna do things that couples do in the winter... Look, I don't have time for this right now. I'll just talk to you later. Good night."
I walked over to the door then unlocked it. I tried my hardest to fight back tears but I couldn't because the way that man treated me was perfect.
"BYE, JOSHUA!" I yelled as I tried to rush him out the door.
"Baby, are you fuckin' serious?" he asked as he walked up to me. "Do you know what I wanted to tell you tonight?"
By then, my eyes were even more watery because I knew exactly what he was about to say.
"Mya, I am in love with you! You mean everything to me and I would quit me career and everything to be with you! I would do anything for you. If you really want me to go on prom with you then I will. Simple as that."
"If it was that simple and you really wanted to go, I wouldn't have had to beg you to go with me for the last 3 weeks! I don't want you to quit your career just to be with me. You are really good and you work way too hard to let it all go… Just leave, Josh... Get Out!!!"
"You don't really want that! YOU DON'T FUCKIN' WANT ME TO LEAVE!!!" he yelled as he walked closer to me.
"YES I DO!" I said bravely, but I was nervous as hell. He never yelled at me before and the fact that he was walking slowly towards me, made me feel like I was in a horror movie.
"Mya, DO YOU LOVE ME?! And don't you FUCKIN' LIE!"
I said nothing.
"Imma ask you again," he said as he got closer to me. "Do you love me, Mya?... DO YOU LOVE ME?!"
I still said nothing. I was in shock mode. I didn't know what he was capable of and I was defenseless and weak when it came to him. I just wanted to run away. He grabbed my wrist, put my arms over my head, and pushed me on the wall.
"Do you love me, MYA?!" he asked again. "Answer my DAMN QUESTION?!"
"Oh shit, he is about to kill my ass!" was all I thought so I broke down crying.
He then closed the door and locked it. He pulled me closer to him and started kissing my neck.
"Baby, you made me fall in love with you the first time we made love in my store," he said, as he unhooked my bra and kissed on my breast. "I don't ever want to lose you, Mya!"
I stood there silently and cried as I listened to the words he told me. He pulled down my panties and began to kiss on my pussy. The fact that he was about to make love to me made me cry even harder. I really was in love with that man and he made it hard to leave him.
"YES... I LOVE YOU, JOSHUA!" I finally blurted out.
I guess that was the answer he was looking for because he wasted no time giving me his dick.
"OOOH SHIT, MYA! IS THIS STILL MY PUSSY?... IS THIS STILL MY PUSSY?!"
"YES, BABY! THIS IS YOUR PUSSY!...THIS IS YOUR FUCKIN' PUSSY!..."
When we were done, I stood up then walked over to unlock the door.
"Good Bye, Josh." I kissed his cheek softly then looked away.
"Bye Mya, Imma call you tonight when I get home from work. You gonna answer for me?"
"Yes," I lied.
I watched him through the window as he slowly walked to his car. I could tell that he thought about coming back in and makin' love to me again, but he didn't. As good as his love making was and as wonderful as he was, I was hurt because I knew that him getting into his car would be the last time that I saw him.
When he left, I couldn't think straight. "Was I really that dumb to let him go like that?" A few minutes later, I decided to get dressed and walk to the store and get me some ice cream. As soon as I got outside, niggas wasted no time trying' to holla at me. "Damn, Baby. Can I sleep on one of them titties tonight? 'Cause my pillow damn sure ain't as comfortable as you are," he said, as he drove off laughing.
"What a fuckin' lame," I said to myself.
The store was only five blocks away but since I was walking slowly, it seemed like it was two miles.
I finally got across the street from the store. As I was walking across, the strong winter's air slid my purse off my shoulder.
"Damn, now I gotta bend over and pick it up while all these hood niggas got they eyes on me," I said, as I reached down for my purse.
"DAAAMMMNNN BAYBEEEE! Look at that fat round ass on you! Can you make that shit clap for me?" said some dude driving past. "What, you just gonna ignore me beautiful?"
I looked at his face then rolled my eyes.
"Well fuck you then, bitch. You ugly as hell anyway! I should throw dollar at you' ass and make you strip for me, hoe!" he said while he was driving away.
"You just mad 'cause you can't have me! You need to get you’ fuckin' teeth fixed then maybe somebody might want you’ ass you little dick havin' ass nigga!" I yelled, trying to defend myself.
The next thing I knew, I saw his tail lights come on as he put the car in reverse.
"OH SHIT! He heard me!" I said as I ran in the store.
When I got in, I tried to walk as slowly as I could to avoid going back outside. But I knew I had to leave soon because I was only in there for ice cream.
When I left the store 10 minutes later, I was relieved to see that the guy was gone. But for some reason, I got a really bad feeling. The feeling was so strong, I got nauseous. In the back of my mind, I knew that that wouldn't be my last time seeing him...
The walk to my house seemed to take no time at all; I guess my nervousness made me walk faster. "OK, all I gotta do is cross the street and I'll be on my block," I said, to myself.
As I approached the street, a car pulled up to the stop sign.
"Hey, Sweet Heart. Can I talk to you?" A guy said from the driver's side window.
"Sorry, I don't walk up to people cars I don't know," I said, as I walked pass his car and on to my block.
I didn't even walk 10 steps before I heard someone walking up behind me.
"How you doing? My name is, Rico. Can I talk to you?"
"Damn, why can't men get the hint? All I wanna do is go in the house, eat my ice cream, and cry over Josh. That's it!" I thought in my head.
As I turned around with a disgusted look on my face, I couldn't help but smile a little because he was gorgeous.
"OH MY, how did I get so... damn... lucky?!” I said to myself as I looked him up and down.
"Hi, Rico. I'm doing alright."
I tried not to blush but I couldn't help it. He was so sexy. He kinda reminded me of a sexier, more muscular version of Tupac. He was muscular, with creamy chocolate skin. He had a fresh hair cut and lining with thin trimmed facial hair. He had some very very sexy and juicy lips; Man I wanted to suck on them! And his eyes... OH MY GOODNESS his eyes! He had some really deep, hazel brown eyes. I mean his eyes were so deep, I could feel him looking into my soul. And boy did he have swag! He definitely looked like he was dressed to impress. Everything he had on was name brand from the fresh all white Ones he had on his feet to the $80 fitted hat he had on his head. It looked like he walked straight off BET's “Rip the Runway” but without trying too hard.
"That's good. I know its cold out here so I ain't gonna keep you. I just wanted a chance to say hi. You stay around here?"
"Yeah, I live right there," I pointed.
"Ok, let me walk you to your door."
I felt so comfortable and secure walking with him, I forgot all about the idiot I got into it with in front of the corner store.
"BEEP BEEP BEEP!"
"Ay nigga, where you going?! I thought we were makin' this run?!" A guy yelled from the passenger seat of Rico's car.
"Don't worry about where the fuck I'm going and if you push my horn again, imma make you’ ass walk!" he yelled back.
The guy in the car got quiet after that.
Rico talked with so much power and control, I grew a lot of respect for him.
"I'm sorry you had to hear that. These niggas out here be tryna test me. I gotta put them in their place sometimes."
I was so fascinated at how powerful he was I didn't even realize that I was at my door already.
"Ok, Sweet heart. You have a good night ok? It was nice talkin' to you," he said as he walked away.
"Wow, is he really going to leave without gettin' my name and number?" I wondered.
I knew that acting like he wasn't really interested was his way of makin' me want him even more and I knew the little game he was trying to play but I didn't care; it's like he had me hypnotized or something...
"Ay, Rico," I yelled after him.
"Huh?" he said as he turned around.
"Take my number down."
He smiled at me then pulled his phone out.
"What's your name, Ma?"
"Ok, Mya, nice meeting you," he said as he walked away.
His walk was so smooth and confident, it had my pussy going crazy.
I watched him as he got into the car. He said something to the dude in the passenger seat, turned his music all the way up, then he sped around the corner.
Meeting Rico took my mind off of Josh until I walked in the house and smelled his cologne. I went to the bathroom and ran me some bath water.
"Josh was like the only man that treated me like a queen. Did I really let all that go?... Am I that damn stupid?" I said as I poured in some bubble bath gel.
I set in the tub for like 2 hrs just thinking, listening to music, and eating ice cream. The whole time I was in the tub, my phone was ringing. I didn't answer because it was Josh and I meant what I said about not being with him anymore; even if it did hurt like hell.
After my bath, I decided to lie down. My phone rang again but that time I answered it.
There was that sexy voice again. A voice I hadn't heard in a little while.
"Wow. Darius? I haven't talked to you in a minute. How you been?"
"I been alright baby, but I been missing' you."
"You know my number, you could have called."
"I have been calling' you, like every other day. You just haven’t been answerin'."
"Really? Probably because my phone still aint actin' right so my calls aint been going through," I lied. I saw when he was calling' me; I just didn't answer."
"So when can I see you, Mya?"
"I don't know but real soon."
"You know I been missin' you, Ma. You still stay on my mind all the time. Just give me a chance to see you. Shit, it doesn’t matter if it's tomorrow or a year from now. Just let me know when and I’ll be there for you."
That didn't sound like a bad idea. I needed a rebound to get my mind off Josh plus I really did like him. I wasn't going to see him right away but it would be soon.
"Ok, Darius, I'll let you know when... I’m about to lie down so I’ll just holla at you later."
"You ok? You sound upset. Remember, Mya, you can talk to me about anything. And when you give me the word, I’ll come rescue you... Just give me that chance."
"I'll talk to you later."
"Good night, Mya."
I wanted to talk to him more but I knew that staying on the phone with him longer would somehow turn into phone sex and I just couldn't see myself having any type of sex with anybody but Josh. That didn't stop me from thinking about him though. He was the type of person that made you forget about all my worries and problems. He always knew the right words to say, he was so sweet, and he always sounded so good over the phone. Getting on Vibe Line that night would change my life in the future because I knew that I would eventually give him a chance. I knew that Darius would have a big impact on my life one day, I just didn't know when or how. But I knew that when it happened, I would be ready for him. I would be ready for whatever he had to offer... Or so I thought.
Three days had gone passed since the last time I had seen Josh. He called me like twice a day but I still hadn't answered. The only time I heard his voice was on the voice mails he left me. I would usually get annoyed if people kept blowing up my phone but not with Josh. It flattered me how much he kept calling. He was so determined to get me back and I admired his persistence.
It was also three days since I met Rico and I was shocked that he hadn’t called me yet.
"Damn, maybe he wasn't interested in me after all," I said as I checked my missed calls. "Maybe he only took my number to be nice since I was the one that offered it. I guess he wasn't attracted to me or maybe he has a girlfriend already. Or maybe he..."
"RING RING RING"
The phone ringer scared the mess out of me.
"Who is this?" I asked.
"What, you give you’ number out to a lot of people or something?"
"No, maybe you got the wrong number."
"No, this is the right number... So what kind of panties you got on?"
"Excuse me?!" I yelled right before hanging up.
"RING RING RING," my phone rang again.
"Look," I said as I answered the phone, "I don't know you so if you want to play games then call somebody else’s phone."
"Mya, this Rico," he said laughing. "Calm down. I was just joking with you. I would never come at you like that for real. I'm not like that. I was just testing you to see how you would react."
"So was that the answer you were looking for then?" I said with an attitude.
"Yeah, you said the right thing. Most females woulda told me they panty color, they bra size, and they address before I even told them my name. And I’m not with all of that."
"Ha, well I’m not like most females."
"And I'm not like most niggas."
"Un huh," I said smiling. "We'll see... So how old are you?"
"Ummmmm.... well I won’t be 18 for some months."
"Damn, you 17? I thought you were at least 22… It's cool though, I'm not on that with you any way. I just met you remember."
We both started laughing. I was laughing' because I was so used to men going crazy over me and I knew he was lying and he was laughing because he knew that he was lying too.
"You seem like cool peoples though, Mya. I would talk to you on the phone and get to know you but I rather see you in person. Come hang out with me tonight. Come see how a real nigga is."
I usually didn't hang out with guys unless I got to know them first especially if they were talking about picking me up in a car...
"Ummmm," was all I said.
...But he was different.
"Yeah, why not," I said.
"Alright, be ready by 8 pm."
"Ok, you remember my address?" I asked.
"How could I forget?"
I got off the phone and felt excited to have something to do that night but I was a little nervous because I didn't know him like that. Since I was going out with such a fine man, I wanted to make sure I was really looking good.
"Damn, it's already 7:50? Why couldn't he call me earlier? I hardly have enough time to do my make up."
"I'm not going to have enough time," I said while I rushing on my eye shadow.
"Imma just tell him to get me another day,” I said nervously as I threw the makeup brush down.
Before I could dial his number, he called me.
"RING RING RING"
"Hey, I'm outside."
Before I left out the door, I told my mama that I was hanging out with Ashley that night. I grabbed my mace and just in case I needed a little more protection, I looked for a knife. The only knife I found that would be big enough to actually protect me was a knife that was the length of my forearm. I felt like I was over doing it a bit because the knife was really long and really sharp. I had to find a knee high sock to wrap up the blade so it wouldn't cut a hole through my purse.
I put on my lip gloss, sprayed on some Curves Crush perfume, and headed out the door.
When I got outside, I got to see his car up close.... and it was sharp! He had a shiny, all black Chevy Monte Carlo SS. Dark tinted windows, speakers that you could hear from a mile away, and squeaky clean 22-24 inch rims that could make anybody's reflection look like they were Halle Berry. Damn, his car had me speechless. It was almost as sexy as he was.
"Hey boo. I see you got all sexy for me," He said as he reached over and opened my door.
"No, I always look this good, thank you very much," I said aggressively.
"Lighten up baby, I was just messing with you," he said. He reached in his glove compartment and grabbed his lighter. When he was in the glove compartment, he rested his arm on my thigh.
“Wow, he that comfortable already?" I thought to myself.
"So what you wanna do tonight, Ma?" he asked as he lit his blunt.
I didn't smoke weed but I did appreciate it. Weed has a way of making people feel good and relaxed, plus he damn sure looked good smoking it. He would inhale for a long time, then blow the smoke out slowly around his lips. I didn't know why but everything he did seemed to make my pussy wet. He was just the sexiest and smoothest man that I ever met!
"It's up to you. I've been stressed out so I really just wanna relax and take a ride."
"Aight. Shit, you can ride with me while I make these runs."
"Runs? You trust me enough to do that while I'm in the car?"
I wasn't from the streets but I knew that runs were the way that some drug dealers made their money. He wasn't the type that stood out on the corner all night hoping that a customer would walk up to him. He was the type that called all the shots. He told his customers where to be and when to be there. People in our hood feared him because he had so much power... But his power was what attracted me to him even more.
"Yeah... Why shouldn't I be? What you gonna do? Rob me and take off runnin' down the street, Mya?"
"No," I laughed.
"Ok then... The question is, do YOU trust me enough to ride in the car with me while I do this?"
"Yeah... I do."
He put in his Lil' Wayne CD, cracked the windows so I wouldn't catch too much contact from the Kush he was smoking, then he put his hand on the gear shift.
"Now before we drive off, are you SURE you're ready to see how a Real Nigga gets down?" he asked as he smiled dead into my eyes.
"Yes, Rico. Yes," I smiled.
"Alright let's go."
He turned his stereo all the way up, winked at me then took off going like 70 miles per hour...
...and I was lovin’ every minute of it.
By ladydiva17 on Wednesday, July 25, 2012 - 7:32 pm:
We drove down a street that I didn't recognize. I knew it was in my neighborhood but I didn't pay attention where because Rico and I were having so much fun! I've never had that much excitement in my life. I had an adrenaline rush that night and I could tell that he did too... unless it was just the Kush he was smoking.
He was driving so fast that everything outside looked so blurry to me; but he still had full control. He stopped at stop signs the correct way, he didn't run any red lights, and he always yielded to pedestrians. It's like he was politely dangerous.
We slowed down and turned down an alley way. He turned the music off and looked at me. "Ok, imma let you know exactly what's about to happen so you won’t get nervous," he said.
"Alright," I said nervously.
"All we are about to do is pull up behind that house over there then imma call the man to the car. He's gonna stick his hand in the window then drop the money on my lap. I’m going to count the money, hand him what he came to get, then we're done. It'll take less than 5 minutes."
"Ok," I said anxiously.
"All I'm doing now is getting my gun and putting it between my legs just in case he decides to pull something. But don't worry 'cause everything always goes as planned." He reached behind the seat and got his gun.
Although he said not to worry, I had a lot to worry about. What if the old man didn't come out but someone else did? What happens if the man did try to pull something? What if more than one person came out and decided to rob and kill us?
"Why didn't I just get out the car when I had the chance?" I said to myself.
He pulled up to the back of the house but no one was there. I could tell that he was pissed off but he hid it well. He stuck his head out the window and whistled so loud that all the rats scurried down the alley. Next thing we saw was the old man running from an abandoned building with his pants falling down. A prostitute came running out behind him then went in the other direction.
"That shit is so nasty," I said trying not to gag.
"I know. I see this shit every day," he said as he stuck his head out the window again. "Ay, hurry you' ass up!" he yelled to the crack head.
The crack head said something but we couldn't hear him until he got closer to the car. "My bad, my bad, my bad man. I was spendin' some sweet time with my lil lady friend."
"EWWWW!" was all I thought.
The old man had his hands deep in his pockets which made me a little nervous. Rico saw the nervousness on my face then looked over at the man. "Ay! Get you fuckin' hands out you pockets! You know I don't play that shit," he yelled.
"I'm sorry man. You know I wouldn't pull no weapons out on you man. I have nothing but respect for you man," the crack head said quickly.
"Whateva... Where my money at?"
"It's in my pocket."
"Ok, get it out."
The man got the money out, tossed it on his lap then Rico counted it. He took two rocks out his pocket and gave it to the man.
"Alright, gone head get out this alley... And next time, you ass betta be ready when I pull up!" Rico said as we drove off. "You ok baby?" he asked me as he rubbed my thigh.
"Yeah, I'm cool."
"You sure?" he asked again.
I guess he thought I was upset or something but I was actually still having fun. I felt important since I got to do that with him. It was very thrilling and I wanted to do it again, which was exactly what I told him.
He smiled. "Well I'm glad you like me, Mya."
"I never said I liked you, I just like the way you do things," I smiled
"Un huh. You know you like me, Mya."
"Well if that's what you wanna believe then that's on you," I said in a sarcastic but flirty voice.
"Whateva... If you don't like me now, at least you will before this week is over," he said smiling as he glanced into my eyes.
As we drove down the street, we passed a lot of restaurants which made our stomachs growl.
"Shit I'm hungry," he said. "You hungry, boo?
"Yeah, I am."
"What you got a taste for?"
I wanted to say him but I didn’t. "Um... McDonald's."
He smiled. "You just read my mind."
As we waited in the McDonald's drive thru line, I noticed that he was staring at me.
"What you lookin' at?" I asked jokingly. "What, you're admiring my beauty?"
"Yeah, I am." I blushed.
"Plus I'm shocked," he added.
"Shocked at what, Rico?"
"Most females that see a nigga with money would try to take advantage of that. You seen all the money I pulled out but you said you wanted McDonald's. I was expecting you to say Red Lobster or some fancy upscale shit."
"Well stop expecting. I told you that I'm not like most females. Money isn't everything to me and I'm not hanging with you because of that. Plus, I was lookin' for something fast and simple to eat anyway." And that was the truth. I was so tired of going to sit down restaurants with waiters and table cloths because that was ALL that Josh and I did. All I needed was some fuckin' chicken nuggets and some salty ass fries.
"Ay, can I get three double cheese burgers, a 10 piece chicken nugget, and two medium fries?"
"Is that all?" the McDonald’s cashier said over the intercom.
"Naw. Add a vanilla shake with whipped cream and a lot of chocolate sauce."
"Ok, pull around to the window," she said.
When we go to the window, there was a really old woman waiting.
"That'll be 17 dollars even," the old woman said.
Rico reached in his pocket and pulled out a stack, but it was all in 100 dollar bills. He reached in his other pocket and pulled out another two stacks but the only change he had was two singles, so he handed the lady a hundred.
She studied his 100 dollar bill then looked at him. "I'm sorry but we don't take anything bigger than a 20," she said.
"Come on, Miss Lady," Rico said smiling. "I don't have any change but two dollar bills. You seem like a nice, sweet woman. I know you can help a brotha out."
"That's against our policy and I could get in trouble for that," she said. "But we do have a nice manager here today... So I’ll see what I can do."
"Wow, even that old lady can't resist his charm," I said to myself.
The woman took his hundred dollar bill then went to talk to her manager. When she came back, she had our food in a bag.
"Ok. Here's your food and your shake, and here's your change."
Rico handed me the food then looked at the woman. "You know what? For being so nice and helpful, you keep the change, Miss Lady."
I couldn't help but smile as I separated our food.
"Wow, thank you young man! That just made my day! I really do appreciate that!... Now y'all gone head and have a good night, ya hear?"
"Yes, Ma'am," we both said as drove over to a parking space..
"Wow. That was nice of you to give her all that money. Most people wouldn't give a fuck."
"Well I'm not like most people," he said as he parked outside of McDonald's. "Besides, a woman that damn old, working at McDonald's this time of night must've had a bad life. I'm sure she can use the money."
"Damn, he's sensitive too? What a real man," I said to myself.
"Here, I got this for you." He handed me the milkshake.
"How you know I liked fudge on my milkshakes?" I asked smiling lightly.
"Because I see how you be lookin' me up and down so I knew you like chocolate." He licked his lips then smiled, showing me his light dimples.
"There he go makin' my pussy wet again," I said in my head.
When we got done eating our food, we threw our garbage away then drove off.
"So, what are you stressed out about, Mya?" he asked as he drove out the parking lot.
"Um… just life," I said. I really didn’t want to talk about it but I could tell that he would keep on asking me.
"Life? You're only 17. Is life really that hard for you already?"
"Yeah... A lot of things has happened to me in my past that I keep to myself. It's just crazy how messed up life can be sometimes."
He looked over at me. "What has happened to you?" he asked worriedly.
"Nothing, Rico," I said quickly. "You wouldn't understand anyway."
"HA!... I wouldn't understand? You just don't know, Mya. You saw for yourself what I had to do today. You think I wanna risk my life every hour of the day just to make a dollar? Yeah, I got money, a car, clothes but if you take all that away from me, what do I have left?"
"How about family and friends? It's more to life than money," I said.
"I know that, Mya. Look, all the bitches I know just want is my dick and all niggas want to do is take my life. These niggas on the street ain't really cool with me. If they weren't so scary they would try get at me in a heartbeat. And these females aint no better than these niggas are. Shit, you the only person that just want to hang out, see what I do. You real, Mya. That's something that is so simple but so hard to find."
"So why don't you just stop being in the streets?"
"Stop? It aint that easy, Sweet heart," he chuckled lowly Let's just say I'm married to the streets and I ain't ready to get a divorce yet. Not until I find someone to take its place...."
And that's when I realized how much me and him had in common. I wasn't a drug dealer or nothing' but I had just as much of a crappy life as he did... I just haven't told anybody about it yet. There would be a time when I told him everything I went through but not right then. I just wanted to relax and not think about shit, and that's all he wanted too.
"Man, I need a....."
"Drink?" He said, finishing my sentence. "Shit, I need one too."
We pulled up to this liquor store then parked the car.
"So what you be drinkin' on?” he asked.
"Um... I gotta taste for some Hen."
"Hennessey?" he laughed. "That's a grown man drink. What you know about that?...You ain't ready."
"Shit, I'm ready for a lot of things." I said, not realizing what had come out of my mouth until it was too late..
"I bet you are." He smiled at me, licked his lips then got out the car.
When he came out the store, he got in the car, and handed me the drink.
"Here, bless the bottle," he said as he started the car...
We didn't waste no time pouring' our cups. We were drinking', riding around, joking, speeding, making runs, talking, and didn't care who saw us. It felt like I knew him forever. I didn't have to worry about having sex or being judged by him. I was able to be myself with him and that made life a little bit easier. I knew that he would be a good friend to have.
"So are you having a good time with me so far?" He asked while pouring another cup of liquor.
"HELL YEAH! Shit, I needed to get out and relax..... I FEEL SO FREE OUT HERE!" I said not realizing how much the drink was affecting me.
"Damn, you feeling that drink ain't you?" he asked laughing.
"Yeah, this Hennessey got me feelin' good. I'm tipsy as hell!"
He laughed. "I can tell, but you good though.... I'm glad you came to chill with me. You were lookin' upset when I met you that day. I wanted to get you out and make you feel better ya know. Plus, you got me feelin' good too."
"Oh, so you like me huh?" I asked smiling.
He smiled. "I aint say all that, Mya. I'm just saying you cool that’s all."
"Man whateva," I laughed. "I know you frontin', but it's all good though."
"So you ready to get outta here?" he asked. He put the top on the bottle then started the car.
I really didn't want the night to end but I knew I had to go home eventually.
"Yeah I guess."
It was about midnight when we got to my neighborhood. Our music was still blasting and he was still speeding. He was driving so fast, I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride. Although his driving was really dangerous, I still felt safe a secure with him. We had no care in the world and nothing could ruin how good I was feeling.
....Until the police pulled us over.
"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!!! What are we gonna do?!"
"It's cool, it’s cool Baby. Just calm down." He said as the police walked up to the car.
"Maybe they won’t notice anything wrong." I said trying to make myself feel better..... But that shit wasn't working.
"Just be cool, Mya. Just be cool."
I didn't care what he was saying. All I could think about was how long we were going to be locked up. I was underage drinking with a 23 year old, he was driving at least 70 mph down a residential street with a full cup of liquor in his hand and a half empty bottle of Hennessey in the cup holder, he had pockets full of crack and weed with intent to sell it, a full blunt hanging' out his mouth, and not to mention the loaded gun in his lap.
"Oh my God, we're going to jail and then after that we're going straight to hell," I said out load.
"Shhhhh, calm down Mya. Just relax."
I could tell he wanted to laugh at me.
The police tapped on the window then told us to open the doors. The male officer told Rico to step out of the car and the female officer talked to me at the door.
"Where are you heading?" she asked me.
"He's just dropping me off at home." I said, trying not to sound drunk even though I was holding his cup and my cup of liquor.
“How old are you?"
She looked around the car then came back to me.
"Do you have any weapons on you?" she asked.
"No. Just my mace."
"Ok. I'm about to check your purse."
And that's when it hit me. I forgot I had that big ass butcher knife in my purse. That's illegal to have at any age and the fact that I was 17 made it worse. I only had it on me for protection but before I had a chance to tell her that, she already pulled it out.
"What in the world are you doing with this?!" I thought you didn't have any weapons! Do you know you could go to jail for illegal possession of a category one weapon?"
"No." I said sadly.
"Ok step out of the car."
"Oh no, I'm going to jail and Rico's going to prison! Why couldn't I just leave the damn knife in the house? I always gotta over do shit!" I said to myself as I stumbled out of the car.
"Whoa, how much did you have to drink tonight?" she asked me.
"Um... about three cups."
The cop looked at my ID, put the knife back in my purse, and handed it back to me.
"Here, you're free to go... And next time don't lie to me."
I started to say that I didn't mean to lie to her but I didn't. I thought it was best to just be quiet.
"Either I'm super lucky or something isn’t right. I know she saw all this open liquor in here. And she gave me the knife back? What the hell is going on?" I wondered as I got back in the car and looked to see what was happening with Rico.
I looked out the rear window and heard the male officer talking.
"Is this the stuff you had last time?" the cop asked as he tasted the crack Rico had. "OOOOH, it's good! Give us two of these!"
Rico gave the officers two rocks then got in the car with me.
"OH YEAH! THIS THAT GOOD STUFF!... Alright, we'll holla at you later. Good lookin'." The cops yelled as they sniffed the crack and sped down the street.
"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!!! Those were dirty cops?"
"Mya, almost all these fuckin' cops out here are dirty... Baby, you got a lot to learn."
We both just busted out laughing. I don't know why but that moment was funny as hell.
"Ok, let me get you home before you faint," he joked.
After a night of fun, excitement, and anxiety, we finally pulled up to my house.
"Mya, I had a good time with you tonight."
"Me too." Was all I could say. Between the Hennessey, the adrenaline, and the heart attack I almost had with the cops, I could hardly think straight.
"Now getcha ass outta my car," he said jokingly.
"Ok, see ya."
I unhooked my seat belt then opened the door.
"I'm just playing. Let me get my hug first." He reached over, pulled me back to him, and just hugged me so right. It was like he was caressing my entire body all at once. That instantly gave me a fantasy. I just wanted to lay his seat back, rip my clothes off, and ride his dick... Damn, I drank too much.
"Come on, let me walk you to the door."
He got out the car, helped me up, then put his arm around my neck.
"Damn, you smell so good!" I whispered.
"Alright Mya. Good night.... Try not to dream about me tonight," he said. Then he bit his bottom lip.
....And there goes that fantasy again.
He waited for me until I got into the house. When I got to the window, he turned his music up, blew his horn at me, then sped down the street.
"Damn, he know he fine!"
A month has passed since Rico and I met, and It was the best month of my life. We were together like every other night, we talked about almost everything you could imagine, and we just connected in so many ways. Him and I were so comfortable with each other that when we went on his runs, I would hold his money, make sure that crack heads were paying the right amount, and I even started to manage how much he was spending and receiving. I felt like I was his secretary or some shit. Rico was just special to me for some reason. I liked how he was nice and sweet to me but in the hood he was like the boss and nobody wanted to cross him. It made me feel good that I was the only one that got to see that other side of him. He was just such a nice man. He would even pick up my friends and I from school...
"Damn, that's Rico right there? He is fine girl," Ashley said lowly to me as we walked to his car.
"He is fine and all but we are just friends," I said smiling as I looked towards him.
"Just friends?... YEAH RIGHT!... Girl, look at how he's looking at you. He's smiling so hard he look like he just won the lottery."
"Girl please. We just have a lot of fun together... That's all," I said smiling even harder.
"Do I look like I'm stupid to you??? You smile when you talk about him... Like you are doing right now and you haven't taken your eyes off him since he pulled up."
"Hey Rico," I said smiling as we got into the car.
"Hey baby,” he reached over and gave me the strongest but softest hug I ever felt that seemed to last forever.
"Um Hmmm!" Ashley said, trying to get our attention.
"Oh... Rico, this is my friend Ashley."
"Hi, Rico," Ashley said.
"What up?... So, are we waiting on Bri or did she leave already?" Rico asked.
"Um, I haven't seen Bri in a couple days," I said as I looked back at the school's doors.
"You talked to her, Ash?"
"Yeah, I saw her yesterday in class. She looked a lil different though..."
"Different how?" I interrupted.
"I couldn't really put my finger on it but something was different about her and she's been lookin' depressed lately. Every time I talk to her she be sayin' good stuff about Mel but I think that nigga be beating' on her or something 'cause she just isn't the same anymore."
"I don't know, Ashley. If he hit her I'm sure she woulda told us by now... wouldn't she?"
"I don't know," Ashley said sadly.
Rico turned on the car then placed his right hand firmly on my thigh. "Are ya'll ready to go ladies?" he asked.
"Yeah," I answered smiling as I shivered to the feeling of his warm hand caress my leg. I turned to Ashley then gave her a warning. "Girl you better put your seat belt on."
"Naw, I'm cool. It won't take us long to get my house anyway," she said carelessly as she looked through her purse.
"Girl, I'm tellin' you," I said as I turned back to face the front. "The way he drives, you are going want to have on your seat belt."
Rico laughed. "Ain't nothing' wrong with the way I drive. It's just a lil faster than most people."
"A little faster?... HA!" I said laughing. "If you say so."
After we dropped Ashley off, Rico said that he had a surprise for me. He parked his car then fumbled around in his trunk. I looked through the rear view mirror to see what he had. When he got back in the car, my heart melted.
"Here, I got this for you," Rico said as he handed me a huge teddy bear and giant box of turtles. "I know it's just February 13th but I'm givin' it to you now since you said you were taking your mom out to dinner tomorrow."
"OH MY GOD, Rico! I wasn't expecting this from you at all!... OOOOOH, I LUV TURTLES!" I said excitedly as I opened the box.
"Oh, here," he said as he reached behind his seat. "This is for you too." He handed me a mini gift bag then stuffed the teddy bear in the back seat. I opened the bag and was beyond happy when I saw what was in it.
"OH RICO!!! You got me a new phone?! I’ve been needing this for like 3 months now.!
"Hell yeah," he said laughing. "I'm so tired of seeing you with that broke ass, cheap ass phone."
"Thank you so so much. I really didn't know you would do all this for me."
"You know I got you."
"I got something else planned for you also," he said as he turned on the car.
"You do? What is it?"
"You'll see. We'll be there soon."
We pulled up to a huge building that I had never been to before. The entire parking lot was empty and it was hard to tell where we were. When he parked in front of the entrance, I saw the name of the place and was caught off guard by where we were. My jaw just dropped and I just wanted to cry because of how shocked I was that he actually took me to a place like that.
"Oh my God! Are we at an ice skating rink, Rico?"
"Yeah. I know the guy that owns this place. I paid him to close it down just for us tonight."
I had never been to the rink but I heard about it and I knew it had to cost him a fortune to close it down for the night because it was the best skating rink in town.
"You ice skate?" I asked, trying not to laugh.
He laughed. "Hell naw. But you said that you haven't been since your dad took you when you were little, so I thought you would like it... It might fuck up my reputation a lil bit but I'll risk it for you."
"I thought you said you didn't like me like that, Rico," I said smiling at him.
"I don't," he said jokingly, "but you deserve it."
I leaned over and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. He stared into my eyes then gave me a soft smile before unlocking the doors.
When we got into the skating rink they had Valentine’s Day decorations up for the 14th. In the dining area, they had red and pink table cloths on the tables with roses as the center pieces. They even had lights on the ceiling that made the ice look red.
"Wow!" was all I could say. I was speechless.
"Damn, they hooked this place up," Rico said as he put his arms around me. "You ready to skate?"
When we were on the ice, it felt like something straight out of a movie. We were holding hands, laughing, smiling, and flirting. It was just so perfect and so romantic. I had no clue that he was that romantic. I felt like I was dreaming. And the best part was that we were alone. No distractions, no interruptions, just us...
"Rico, I didn’t know you could skate." Right when I said that, he fell and pulled me down with him. We just couldn't help but laugh.
When we finally got up, I told him that I had to go to the bathroom and he said that he would get our dinner ready.
"God if this is a dream, please don't wake me up," I said as I stared in the mirror.
Everything was just too good to be true. I just knew the night couldn't get any better...
... But it did!
When I walked out the bathroom, I thought that he would be sitting at a dinner table waiting for me but instead, he had a red blanket on the ice and had dinner set up like a picnic. How the hell did I get that damn lucky?
"Oh Rico! You did all this? You did all this by yourself???"
"Yeah, Baby. I got a few tricks up my sleeve," he said grinning.
"A few? It seems like you thought about everything. You even got the Grey Goose in the ice bucket like it's red wine or something!"
"Yeah baby. You know you're in good hands."
...And I was. I really was.
When we got done eating our food, we went straight to dessert. He handed me a pink and White Valentine’s Day cup cake with red sprinkles.
"Let me have a bite of your cup cake," he said.
When I handed him the cupcake he took it and smashed it around my lips and on my chin.
"I can't believe you did that," I said laughing. "Where's your dessert at so I can smash it in your face?"
"I'm lookin' at it," he said seductively as he looked deep in to my eyes.
I set there staring into his eyes for about a minute before I decided that I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed him down on the blanket, got on top of him then started kissing his big, sexy lips. Our kiss was so wet and so wild that almost all the frosting was off my face. I kissed up and down his neck then he pulled off my shirt.
"Damn, baby," he whispered excitedly as he stared at me lustfully. "Take them big ass titties out that bra for me!"
By that time, my bra size was 38 triple D so you know he was going crazy on them. He pulled me closer to him and devoured my nipples.
"OH, Rico suck these titties," I said softly. "Ooooh I want you."
"You want this dick, Mya?" he asked while roughly grabbing a hold of my breasts. "Con I give you this dick?"
"YES, RICO!" I moaned loudly with my eyes shut; enjoying the wonderful feeling that his hands were giving me. "GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE ME THAT DICK!"
He smacked my ass then flipped me over... Damn he was strong. I could tell that he had a lot of strength but I was still surprised at how well he used it.
"You ready for me, Mya?" he asked as he loosened his belt buckle.
"HELL YEAH, I'm ready!"
He grabbed my legs then pulled me closer to him. "I don't think you can handle me," he said, grinning devilishly at me.
"I can handle anything Rico, now give me that dick."
I unbuttoned his jeans then unzipped them. The entire time I was saying to myself, "Please have a big dick, please have a big dick, please have a big dick!"
When I looked at his lips, I saw a slight smile appear on his face as if he could hear my thoughts. When I pulled down his pants, I FELL IN LOVE! Oh my goodness, I just had to be the luckiest woman on Earth at that moment. His dick was nice... beyond nice. It was so big, I couldn't even call it a dick anymore... I had to change up my words and start calling it a penis. It had to be at least 10 inches and it was sooo fat. Although I was instantly in love with it, I got scared for a second because I just knew that my tight pussy was about to be busted open.
He pulled my pants off and started kissing my pussy through my panties. My clit was so wet and swollen in anticipation that I shivered at the touch of his lips kissing against it. When the wetness from my soaked panties touched his lips, he sexily licked it off then proceeded to pull my underwear off. When my bear pussy was displayed innocently in front of him, he breathed deeply in excitement then gently spreaded my legs open even wider than they were.
"You sure you're ready for this, Kamya?" he whispered rhetorically right before sticking his tongue inside of me.
"AW SHIT! AW SHIT, RICO," I moaned immediately as I grabbed a firm hold of the back of his head. "OOOH... OOOOH... OOOOH FUCK! AW SHIT! LICK THIS PUSSY BABY! LICK THIS PUSSY!"
He was tongue kissing my pussy like a fuckin' BEAST! It felt so damn good, my body could not stop shakin' for anything. I had never had head that intense before that moment and I was loving every minute of it.
"AWWWW, RICO," I said after only 2 minutes. "I'M FINNA CUM! I"M FINNA CUM! OH MY GOD!"
Right before I was about cum he stopped licking my pussy and turned me around. "NOW BEND THAT FAT ASS OVER AND CUM ON THIS DICK!" he ordered, aggressively as he slapped my ass.
When he said that I got extremely excited but also hesitant because I know how tight my pussy was and how big of a penis he had. I just knew he was going to make my pussy adjust to his size.
"Oh shit... oh shit," I whispered as I prepared to feel him squeeze inside of me.
"I want you to throw that fat ass back, Mya." He slapped it again then grabbed a hold of his dick. I pressed the round of my as against his penis then spread my legs open. I breathed deeply as I readied myself to take all he had to offer me.
When he stuck that dick Inside of me, my mind went blank. It felt so damn good! He was hitting my A-Spot, my B-Spot, my G-Spot, my Z-Spot. LOL! Every fuckin' spot I had, he was hittin' it!
"YEAH BABY!" he moaned loudly. "AW SHIT THIS PUSSY TIGHT! THROW THAT ASS BACK! THROW THAT SHIT BACK, KAMYA!"
"OH SHIT! OH SHIT! GIVE ME THAT DICK. GIVE... ME...THAT... DICK!" I yelled.
"WHAT'S MY NAME?"
"WHAT'S MY NAME, MYA?"
Every time I called him daddy, he would hit my pussy harder!
"SAY MY FUCKIN' NAME, KAMYA!!!"
"OOOOOO, RICO! FUCKKKKK MEEEEE!"
He was fuckin' me so good that every time he pulled my ass to his dick, I blacked out for a second. I felt so much damn pleasure that I could hardly take it anymore. Then he somehow flipped me over to where I was on top of him. To where I had all the control.
"Oooo, you like this pussy, baby?" I asked in a low, erotic moan. "You like this pussy?"
"Yes baby," he whispered loudly as his eyes shut tight. "Ride this dick, Kamya!" He held tightly to the low of my back and forced me to ride him faster. "RIDE THIS DICK, KAMYA!" Loud moans effortlessly escaped my lips as I held on to his chest. "RIDE THIS DICK!" he said as he watched my two round breast bouncing in front of him. He pulled the top part of my body down on his chest and started to thrust up inside of me as I rode him. The feeling he gave me was the perfect amount of pain and pleasure that sent me on a mission to make his dick mine forever.
"OH RICO!.. OH RICO!... OH RICO! I'M ABOUT TO CUM! OH SHIT!"
"YES BABY! CUM ALL ON TOP OF THIS DICK!"
"OOOO YES! OOOO YES! OOOOOH...YES! RICO! GOD!!!!"
I set up and started boucin' up and down on top of him. It felt like the head of it was in my stomach as he continuously pushed himself inside of him. I couldn't even open my eyes after that. We were fuckin' so good, we somehow got off the blanket and was on the ice.
While I was riding him, he started playing with my clit. Damn, I just couldn't take it anymore. I didn't know what the fuck was happening to me. I felt my body shake as I moaned for dear life. Nothing felt better than that moment. Having that fine man's dick inside of me while his fine ass, huge hands grabbed all over my body as I rubbed all over his fine ass, muscular arms, was the ultimate satisfaction for me. As he rubbed on my clit, he had the nerve to put his hand around my neck. As soon as he started choking me, I lost control and squirted for the first time in my life.
"OOOOOH RIIIIII... COOOOO! OH RICO!!!! DAMN!!!... DAMN!... DAMN!... FUCK!! FUCK, FUCK!"
I didn't know what the hell I was saying. It's like he was fuckin' up my brain or something. All I had left in there were four letter words.
After I squirted that was enough to make him go crazy. He started fuckin' me harder and faster! As weak and sensitive as my body felt, I just couldn't resist what he was doing to me. I felt like I need his body to be connected to mine. I knew that I would be sprung over him.
"Damn, Mya! OH SHIT, BABY! OH SHIT!... DAMN MYA!... FUCK!" He took his other hand and started squeezing my ass while he was still choking me. Both of those combined was enough to make me cum again!
“OH Rico! I'm about to cum again! OH MY GOD!"
Before I could, he came so damn hard I thought I was going to fly to the other side of the ice. I had to check to make sure he didn't bust a hole in the condom.
I stood up then went and sat on his face. Damn his tongue game was on point!.
"Oh, Rico! I'm about to cum again! OOOOH SHIT... IM CUMMING! OH SHIT IM CUMMMING... OOOOOO!"
I just felt so so so good. I couldn't breathe, I was light headed and we were on the ice which made everything much much better.
When I was done, I stood up hoping that I wouldn't fall butt as naked on the ice. I somehow made it over to the blanket and since my legs were so weak, I just collapsed there. He made it over to me and just laid there with me. We were both silent but couldn't help but smile at each other. He grabbed my body then pulled me onto his chest.
"Mya, what have you done to me?" he smiled. "I've never had it that damn good before plus you got me going ice skating and shit."
"So is that your way of finally admitting that you like me?" I said in a low, shaky voice as I lay on his chest.
"Yeah... Yeah it is," he said smiling from ear to ear.
"I already knew that anyway," I said laughing.
"He laughed. You aint know nothing."
"What?... What you say?" I said, smiling evilly as I held up the rest of the cup cake.
"Mya you better not," he said as he held his hands up to block his face.
"I better not what Rico?... Huh? I better not what?"
Before he could say anything, I smashed the cup cake in his face.
"Naaa, that's what you get for doing that shit to me," I said laughing.
"OOOOH, ok. I see," he said smiling." Ok… I see you asking for it again."
"Asking for what?"
Before I could say anything else, he had that dick right back up inside of me...
Rico and I were so perfect for each other. He was just so wonderful and romantic. He was still as romantic as he was the night at the skating rink.
It was then March 2008. Rico and I's relationship never got boring. I loved being his woman and he loved being my man. He told me that every chance that he got. On another note, I did somehow miss Josh. I didn't want to talk to him and I didn't want to get back with him, but I did miss him. Josh was perfect for me... But Rico was better.
I spent almost all of my time with Rico and since Josh stayed calling me, I knew Rico would find out about it eventually. He just wouldn't stop calling and wouldn't stop leaving voice mails. I never did answer but he still called. I had to stop working at the candy store so I wouldn't see him, I even sent him a text saying that I had a man now and I didn't want him calling me anymore, but that still didn't stop him.
"RING RING RING"
I looked at my phone then hurried up and pushed ignore. I tried to do it without Rico noticing, but he did.
"Who was that?" he asked will starting the car.
"What you talkin' about?" I asked trying to act like I didn't know.
"Mya, don't play with me. Who was that callin' you?"
"Oh, that?” I said nervously, “Nobody… Just my ex that won’t stop calling me. He been calling since I broke up with him."
"What?” he said pissed. “So why am I just now hearing about this?"
"Because... Um, he wasn't that important to bring up. Plus I didn't think you would care. It's not like I'm talkin' to him or anything."
"Mya, any other nigga that has called your phone, you had me to call and tell his ass not to call you no more. But for some reason, you keepin' this nigga away from me."
"Uh, no. It's not like that."
"Well what is it like then?" he asked while making a left turn.
I really didn't have the answer to that question. I just froze. You know how it is when you telling the truth but everything that came out your mouth seemed guilty as hell? Well that's exactly what was happening. I was digging myself into hole but I was actually innocent.
"So you not gonna answer my question?"
I was silent.
"Look, just keep it real with me. Do you still love him?" he asked.
"How could you even ask that question, Rico?... Are you serious? This whole conversation is ridiculous."
"Answer my question. Do you still love him?"
"Rico, you know that I am in love with you! You are the only man that I want."
"I didn't ask you all that, Mya. Do you still love him?"
"NO!... If something were to happen with him then I would be upset but…"
"Would you go to his funeral?" he interrupted.
"Um, I probably wouldn't."
Why couldn't I just say no. I just had to say probably.
"Probably? So what are you doing with me then?"
"What are you talking about?! You sayin' all of this for nothing. I don't want to be with him! And if you don't believe me then that's on you."
"Oh so it's on me? Now you don't give a fuck about what I think?" he asked angrily.
"What is wrong with you? Why don't you trust me? You think I would be spending all my time with you if I loved him?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?!!" I yelled. "Man whateva. I'm done talking about this."
"Look, baby. I love you with everything in me. I just don't want to get..."
"Hurt?" I interrupted. "Rico, you know I won’t hurt you! So acting like this is crazy. I'm scared of getting hurt just like you are and you know that. You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you so stop acting like that."
We were silent for about 5 minutes. While we were waiting at a red light, I felt him staring at me.
"What you lookin' at?" I asked with an attitude.
"That was a rhetorical question," I said rolling my eyes.
"You mad at me now, Mya," he said while touching my cheek.
"Don't touch me right now," I said trying not to smile.
"You mad at me baby?" he said while softly touching around my ear.
"Stop touching me," I said, finally smiling at him.
Then he started tickling me.
"Ok, ok. I'm not mad you anymore. Ok."
I don't know why but it was hard to stay mad at him. All of our little arguments turned into us playing or flirting. And that's a good thing. It was so easy for me to get mad but so easy for him to make me smile. And just like that, we were cool again.
....Until Josh had the nerve to call me again.
"Ring Ring Ring."
I put the phone on silent.
"Let me see the phone, Mya."
"Why? What you about to do?" I said as I tried to stuff the phone in my purse.
Before I knew it, he snatched the phone out my hand and answered it.
"Ay nigga," he said as he answered the phone."Why the fuck you keep callin' this number?.....What you mean who is this? Who the fuck is you?... Well she fuckin' with a real nigga now... Oh, she didn’t," he said as he looked at me, " she told me you already knew she had a man."
"OH SHIT! OH SHIT! Josh is on the phone lying to him," I said to myself.
"Look, don't call this fuckin' number no more. If you do, you gonna regret that shit."
He hung up the phone then looked at me. "Why you lie to me?" he asked me angrily. "He said you didn’t tell him you were with me and you’ve been callin' him every night."
"And you fuckin' believe that shit, Rico?"
"Then why the hell would he have been callin' you for two months straight then? You expect me to believe that you aren’t talking to him?"
"ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? HE IS IN LOVE WITH ME, OF COURSE HE'S GONNA TELL YOU THAT!"
"And how do I know you don't be callin' him?"
"BECAUSE, I BE WITH YOU EVERYNIGHT! DID YOU FORGET THAT?!!!... YOU KNOW WHAT, STOP THE CAR!" I yelled.
"I'm not about to stop right now. You have to wait."
"NO, PULL OVER AND STOP THE CAR, RICO!"
"You wanna get out, then go!" he stopped the car in the middle of traffic. "Go ahead, Mya," he said as he unlocked the doors.
"You can't just stop in the middle of the street like that. There are people behind you!"
"I don't give a fuck about the people behind me. The only person I care about is the woman in this car."
"Well start acting like it then," I said as I started to calm down.
~~-"Ay, get the fuck out the way!" the man in the car behind us said.
"Mya, how would you feel if some bitch keep callin' me, I don't tell you about her, and she tell you that me and her have been talkin'?"
"I guess I'll feel the same way you feel. I understand why you mad but at the same time, you gotta understand that niggas are going to try hard to get me just like I know how females want you. I can't just assume that you’re cheatin' on me because at the end of the day, you are with me every day and night. Ain't no way that you fuckin' with another female unless you got a clone or something."
~~ "BEEP BEEP BEEP", "GET THE FUCK OUT THE STREET!" people in cars said as they went around us.
"Baby, you know I love you," Rico said. "I would kill to be with you, Real Talk… I know you aren’t cheating. I guess these streets kinda fucked up my trust a lil bit but I got too much love for you to let you get out this car, in the middle of the street, and leave me."
"Rico, I would never leave you. And I love you too much to let my ex fuck us up."
I leaned over and kissed him.
~~"BEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEP BEEP!"
"I think you better drive before these people go crazy," I said.
~~"Move out the way, ASSHOLE!" a driver said as he drove passed us.
We both started laughing. He took the car out of park and got to driving again.
"Where we going, baby?" I asked while I held his hand.
"To this store real quick. I gotta pick up a few things."
The closer we got to the store, everything started to look familiar. And that's when I realized what store he was going to... It was Josh's t-shirt shop.
"Ok," he said as he parked the car. "I'm about to run into this T-Shirt store and pick up my order real quick... You wanna come in or are you staying in the car?"
"Um, I'll just wait here," I said nervously.
I watched Rico walk into the store. Through the window of the store, I saw him greet Josh... Thank God Rico didn't know that Josh was the person he just got off my phone with.
"OH MY GOD! How in the world is this happening?" I said to myself.
"One minute I'm the luckiest person in the world. Then the next, it's like I'm doomed... This has got to be the biggest coincidence ever!"
Rico finally walked out the store and got back in the car. He was pissed off about something.
"What's wrong baby? And what happened to the shirts you came to get?"
"Man, that nigga wasn't even done with my order. I called him like 3 days ago and he still aint done with that shit. He lucky I didn’t beat his ass!... I have to find another place to go now."
"Oh thank God!" I said to myself.
I felt a little bad for Josh. It's like since we broke up he had been slacking at work. But, that's on him. He was in the past now so he just had to deal with it.
The next day, I woke up with a weird feeling. It was a feeling that I felt before but I never seemed to pay attention to it. God has a way of talking to us but we never seem to listen. People get so caught up in the world that we don't take the time out to hear what God is saying to us.
I got out the bed, got dressed ,then called Rico. Rico was busy so he had to call me back. Five minutes later, I got a call. I answered it without paying attention to who it was.
"Hey, baby. What you doing today?" I said
"Hey, Mya. Hopefully I could see you."
"Who is this?... Rico?"
"No, this is Darius," he said laughing.
Darius and I were still friends but we didn’t talk that much. When we did talk, he was always there when I needed him, he always knew the perfect words to say, and gave good advice. Plus he sounded so damn fine.
"Oh hey. What up?"
"Hey. How you been doing?" He asked.
"I been ok, just lookin' for something to do today."
"Oh, ok. Well that's why I called you. I'm in your area and I was wondering if you wanted to finally meet."
"Um, I don't think so, Darius. I will probably be busy in a lil while."
"You said so yourself that you didn't have anything to do today. Plus, we been talking for a minute, it's finally time to meet each other don't you think?"
He had a point. Before I met Rico, me and him were talking all the time. He was always so sweet and nice to me. I just knew I had to meet him. He knew I had a man now so me and him wouldn't be anything but friends.
"I’m not sure."
"Oh come on. You scared that I'm ugly or something?"
"You probably are," I said jokingly.
"How about you see for yourself. If I am then you don't ever have to talk to me again."
"Fine. But just for a few minutes because I'm probably gonna go somewhere later."
"Ok, Where are u at?"
I told him where to meet me and he got there in about 20 minutes... I told him to meet me at a store so he wouldn't know my address.
When he got out the car, I was speechless. I knew he would look good but I didn't know that he would look that good. He was about 6' 2", he had caramel skin, he was medium built, and had braids.
"Wow, hi, Darius."
"You look really good, Mya... I kinda wasn't expecting that."
"Shoot, me neither... I think I seen you somewhere. You look kinda familiar."
"I do?... Well, I know I haven't seen you before. If I did, I damn sure would remember," he said smiling.
"Do you be getting T-Shirts made over on 79th or do you be at that candy store over there?"
"Naw, but I think I know what you are talking about.... You talkin' about over by that grammar school?"
"No, I don't think it's a school over there... Oh, well, I guess I haven't seen you before but you do look familiar."
We talked for about 30 minutes in front of the store about everything, until I decided to leave and get me something to eat.
"Ok, it was nice meeting you. It really was! But I gotta get going. I'm about to get me something to eat now."
"You about to take the bus… you want a ride. I can drop you off if you want to."
"Aw, that's nice but it's cool, Darius. It'll just take 10 minutes on the bus."
"Come on, Mya. I do have a car. Why would you wanna get on the bus? I'll have you there in 5 minutes."
I was a little hesitant at first but I decided to take his offer.
He took me to KFC then decided to get something to eat also. When I stood up to get out the car, I started feeling dizzy.
"What's wrong, Mya? You ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just haven't been feeling well since I woke up this morning."
We got our food then decided to eat in. He was sweet over the phone but he was even nicer in person. It felt really good to be able to talk to him in person. He was a really nice friend.
"Ok, you ready to go?" he asked, while he threw our garbage away.
"Yeah, I gotta go and catch this bus home."
"Mya," he said laughing, "You still want to take the bus? I'll give you a ride home if you want me to."
I really didn't want to take the bus but I was feeling so sick, I didn't want to throw up in his car. I did just meet him technically and that would be embarrassing but I decided to take the ride since it would be much faster.
When we got in the car, I rolled down the window to get a little air. I noticed my phone vibrating and saw that it was a text from Rico saying that he was sorry he didn't call me yet but he would soon. When I got done replying to him, I looked up and noticed that we weren't near my house.
"Um, Darius, my house is the other way."
"I know, my bad. I just need to run into my house and give my cousin some money real quick. She's having a family get together and asked me to give her some money for some liquor... It won’t take long, I promise."
"Ok, but you shoulda told me that before I got in the car. Because I have to use the bathroom and thought I would be home by now."
"You wanna come in?"
"Naw. I'm straight."
"My cousin won’t mind. It's just her, some family, and some little kids playing around. They won’t care if you come in."
I thought about it then decided to go in. I was feeling nauseous and I had to pee real bad so I needed to use the bathroom.
I got out the car and walked to the house.
"Where is everybody?" I said as I walked in the door. "I thought you said that your family was here?"
"They were, I don't know what the heck happened. She called and told me to bring her some money. I guess they decided to leave."
Before I could respond to him, I threw up in my mouth. "You ok... Go to the bathroom. It's right over there." He pointed.
When I got in the bathroom, I felt a little better.
"Lord, what the heck is going on with me?" I asked as I washed my hands.
When I walked out the bathroom, Darius was sitting on the couch.
"You ok, Mya? He asked as he stood up.
"Yeah, I'll be fine."
"Here, I got you a bottle of water... You ready to go?" he asked as he searched for his car keys.
"Yeah, let's go."
"Oh, wait... Before we leave, I've been meaning to tell you something."
When I turned around, he grabbed my head and kissed me.
"Stop, what are you doing?!" I asked while I pushed him away.
"Mya, you know you been wanting me since you heard my greeting on Vibeline. Just because you got a man doesn't mean that those feelings have went away."
"Yes it does! That's exactly what it means... Look, are you taking me home or not?"
"No… because you are staying with me tonight," he said. He pushed me on the couch and then took his coat off.
"Wait.. .what are you doing?! I have a man! And he is on his way here so let me go."
"HA! He ain't on his way. If he was then you wouldn't have needed my ride... Good try though. Now lay back and just relax."
I knew what was about to happen which was why I started to cry, but for some reason he was being soft and calm to me. That made me not fight him because I didn't want him to decide to beat and kill me.
"Mya, don't get upset. I’m not about to hurt you. I just want to do something for you that you’ man can't do."
I just sat there thinking of a way out of this but I knew that there was no way to get him off of me. I immediately started to think about Rico. Why couldn't he just answer when I called him? Why did I have to be so young and dumb to get myself in this situation? Why didn't I just listen to what God was trying to tell me?
He pulled off my jogging pants and pulled my panties off. Then he started to lick my pussy.
"Mya, why are you so silent? I know you like this!" He said as he sucked on my clit.
At that point, I was crying harder. I was crying because of what was happening and also because it felt so good... I felt guilty for enjoying it.
"Please stop, Darius! Please stop it!" I moaned crying. I wasn't trying to moan but I couldn't help it.
"I'm not stopping until you cum on my tongue," he said as he licked harder.
"Nooooo! Pleaseeee!" I moaned. "Pleaseeee Stop!!!" I was then crying harder than I was before.
He didn't say anything. He just kept going.
At one point I tried to get up. I tried to hit him and I tried to kick his back but he was just too strong and I was still weak from being nauseous.
"You gonna cum for me, baby?" He said as he licked me in circles.
"Nooooo! Please, Darius Stop! Please Stop! Please Stop! PLEASEEEEEE!"
I was crying really really hard by then because I knew I was about to cum. I was kinda happy that I was about to cum because I figured that after that, everything would be over.
"Yes, baby! Cum for me!"
"ooooo, sssss, oooooo. Nooooo, please pleaseee!" I finally came and he finally stopped. I felt hurt and good all at the same time. I just wanted to get something and hit him in the head with it. But I knew that he would just grab it from me and do the same.
"See, I told you baby. Now don't you feel better?!"
"No, just get off of me!! You are SICK! What the hell is wrong with you?!" I said, trying to find my panties.
I couldn't find them so I just said fuck it and reached for my pants.
"Why you putting these on?" He said as he snatched my pants from me. "I'm not done with you yet!"
Before I could do anything, he pulled his dick out and pushed me back.
"Oh HELL naw! Get the fuck off of me!" I tried as hard as I could but he wouldn’t budge. I somehow managed to pick up my phone to call Rico but my battery dead. Was I really that unlucky? Did I deserve what was happening? Was it my fault that I was in that situation?
"GET OFF OF ME! GET OFF OF ME! DARIUS HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!!!"
"Don't try to fight it, Mya. You know you want it!"
He bent me over and held my mouth. I felt horrible, I felt dirty! But some reason it felt good. How could that be? How the hell could I be getting raped and allow it to feel good? I just wanted to die. I just wished that I could be with Rico, lying in his arms, taking a bath with him. I just wanted to be right next to him. And for a second, I thought that I would never get that chance again. What if Darius was a murderer?
When he was done, he hugged me, then wiped away my tears.
"Mya, I'm sorry if you feel bad. It wasn't my intentions. I just wanted to make you happy. I'm not that bad of a guy. I'm still here for you, baby."
I couldn't even look at him. I just hoped and prayed that he was done with me so I could get the hell out of there. He got up and went to the bathroom. I didn't waste no time getting up and getting my clothes on. But then I noticed something. I really wanted to run out the door but something told me to pick up his ID. When I looked at it, I immediately realized where I knew him from. I was shocked at what I saw. I was heartbroken! I couldn't believe it. I couldn't help but wonder why God was letting this happen to me.
I took my mace out my coat pocket and stood by the door so I could run out when I needed to. I waited for him to come out so I could confront him about his ID. When he came out, he stood across the room.
"Where are you going, Mya? You leaving me already?!"
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!" I yelled.
I threw the ID at him and gripped my mace tighter. I couldn't wait until I got out of there but I couldn't believe what his ID said. I just had to confront him.
"Oh, you found my ID I see? Look baby, I'm sorry that I lied about my name. I didn't tell you that my name was Jamel because I didn't want you to think that I was a liar."
"I AM NOT YOUR BABY YOU FUCKIN' SICK BITCH! YOU ARE A LIAR! YOU JUST FUCKIN' RAPED ME AND YOU ARE CHEATING ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND?"
"I didn't rape you, Mya. You wanted it!... And how do you know I have a girlfriend? I never told you that."
"I know because your girlfriend is my FUCKIN' BESTFIEND!"
Thank God that I didn't have a gun because if I did, I woulda shot him right after I said that.
"Oh, I almost forgot," I said as I turned back to him, "My man is going to kill you' ass and I'm not going to stop him!"
I turned around and ran out that house as fast as I could. I was so happy to still be alive but so sad and hurt that I was raped. When I ran around the corner, I was happy that the bus was there. It's like it was waiting on me.
"OH, Thank you GOD!" I said as I got on the bus.
When I set down on the bus, I almost collapsed. My legs were so weak from running almost 7 blocks. I wasn't tired or breathing hard because I was full of adrenaline. My heart was beating so fast, I thought I was going to black out. I knew I had to go to Bri's house and warn her. But what was I going to say to her? She was so deep in love with him that she would die in order to be with Jamel. Just thinking about that made me cry. How could I be the one to break my best friend's heart? How could I tell her that the love of her life just raped me?
"Ok, Mya, you can do this! You can do this!" I said, trying to calm myself down. "You're almost to her house! It'll all be over once you make to her house safely!"
And then I remembered something....
"OH MY GOD! HE DIDN'T PUT ON A CONDOM!"
I immediately just wanted to kill myself. I wanted to jump off the bus and into oncoming traffic. I felt so stupid and so humiliated. "Lord, I'm sorry for not listening to you! I'm sorry for being immature and naive! Please, Please help me! PLEASE HELP ME!"
I finally got off the bus to Bri's house. I somehow managed to stop crying and brush my hair. I didn't look great but I looked better than I did when I left his house. When I got to her house, I saw her brother and 5 of his friends on the porch.
"What up, Mya? I haven't seen you here in a while. How you doing?" one of the guys asked.
I didn't say anything, I just looked straight ahead and walked up the stairs.
"You ok, lil sis?" Bri's brother asked.
I wanted to tell him what happened so that him and his friends could go and beat that nigga but I didn't. I just kept walking.
I got to Bri's room and knocked on the door.
"Look Bro, I told you that you can't have my pizza so stop bothering me!" Bri said.
"No, Bri. It's me... It's, Mya."
She unlocked the door and looked happy to see me.
"Hey Sis, I didn't know you were coming over. My bad, I thought you were my brother. He been trying to eat up my food... How come you aint call me?"
"Cause my battery is dead… Look Bri, I got to talk to you about something!"
"I got something to say too,” she replied.
"Ok, but I need to go first," I said, while trying not to pass out. "I came to tell you that..."
Before I could finish talking, she held up her shirt.
"OH...MY...GOD!!!! Briana, are you pregnant?" I asked while touching her stomach.
"Yep, I'm almost 5 months."
Bri went through her drawer and pulled out the ultra sound.
"Here, they don't know what I'm having yet but I think it's a Boy."
I could hardly talk.
"That's why I've been missing school a lot."
"So is that why you've been depressed and different lately? Me and Ash thought that Mel was beating you."
"HA! Girl no. Jamel wouldn't do that to me. He is the nicest man I ever met. He wouldn't hurt a fly. He is perfect. And now, we're having a baby together."
I just wanted to disappear. I wanted to just grow some wings and fly away. I just wanted to leave Earth. Hearing her talk about him made me want throw up.
"Are you sure you want to go through with this? You sure you want to have his baby?" I was completely against abortion but at that time, I didn't care anymore.
"What do you mean? I'm not getting rid of it. I love Jamel and he loves me. I wouldn't do anything to hurt him plus I want to keep it. I can already feel it moving."
I just wanted to cry. Why was this happening? Why me? Why did I have to be the one to go through this?
"So what did you want to tell me, Mya?"
I didn't know what to say. How was I gonna explain it everything to her? How was I gonna tell her what he did to me? How could I kill her happiness?
"Nothing Bri. I gotta go."
I walked out her room and walked down the stairs. By then, her brother and his friends have already left the porch.
"Wait Mya." Bri said, "You going home? You sure you wanna walk by yourself? It's getting dark. I can have my brother take you home."
"No, I'm straight. I'll call you later... Bri, I love you and I'm going to be here for you no matter what happens."
"I love you too sis. Thank you...You sure you don't want my brother to walk you home?"
"No, I'll be fine."
When I left Bri's house, I felt worse than I felt before I got there. I started to get that bad feeling that I always got when God was trying to talk to me. Maybe I should've just got a ride from her brother. I didn't because I just wanted to be alone plus her house was only and 4 to 5 blocks away.
When, I got two blocks away from my house, I noticed a guy walking across the street. I didn't look at him or anything, I just kept walking; Hoping he wouldn't try to talk to me.
"Hey, Baby, You got a minute?" The man yelled to me from across the street.
I didn't say anything, I just started walking faster.
"I know you heard me girl."
I could tell he was walking towards me from his footsteps but I still didn't look at him. I almost started running but I didn't want him to chase me so I just kept it cool.
"Hey, Sweetie, I wanna talk to you."He said as he approached me.
"No thanks. I'm in a hurry." I said, hoping that he would leave me alone.
"Well, I'll walk with you. I wanna get a chance to know you since you dissed me last time."
"Dissed him? What is he talking about?" I said to myself.
When I looked at him, I saw a face that was very familiar.
"So you don't remember me?" He smiled.
When he smiled, I noticed his messed up teeth. That's when I remembered who he was. It was the guy that I got into it with at the corner store the night I met Rico.
I could feel my heart beating faster. I could feel my blood flowing throw my veins. How in the world could all this be happening to me? Was I really that damn unlucky?
I knew that he could tell that I figured out who he was because he started laughing.
"Oh, so you do know who I am? huh?... You know we got some unfinished business to handle."
I just took off running.
"Oh no you don't." He said as he caught up to me and grabbed my arms. "I just want to talk to you that's all. You don't have to run from me."
I was silent and scared. I was just hoping and praying that Rico would come driving down the street at any second... But he didn’t.
"So are you going to talk to me or do I have to follow you home?"
"I'll talk to you." I said bravely.
I decided to walk pass my house and go into a restaurant that was on the next block so he wouldn't know where I lived. I was hoping that there would be a lot of people in the restaurant, but there was no one. I didn't even see any workers.
I sat down at a table and looked at a menu hoping that he would give up and leave but he sat across from me and stared.
"So what's your name?"
"It's Jessica." I lied.
"Ok, Jessica, so when are you gonna cut the bull shit and show me them titties?"
"Look, I suggest that you leave me the hell alone before I call the police!"
"HA! Aint no police gonna come and help you. Now, show me them titties!"
He reached across the table and slapped the menu out my hands. He got up, came on my side of the table, and ripped my coat open. I took my purse and started beating him in the head with it. I tried to yell for help but no one came. It's like all of the workers disappeared or something.
"What the fuck is your purse gonna do, Bitch?" He said as he snatched my purse and threw it in my face.
He put his arm around my neck and had me in a choke hold. I thought I was going to die that night. He ripped open my shirt and started squeezing my breast. Then he whispered in my ear.
"I better not ever see you' ass walking in this neighborhood again. If I do then you better be ready for me STUPID BITCH!"
He picked my purse up and threw it at me.
"Here, get you shit you dirty hoe."
Then he left. He left me there to think about what just happened. He attacked me, abused me, then left me... I felt like nothing. That whole night made me feel like I was worthless.
"God, how could you let this happen?” I whispered while crying uncontrollably.
I sat in the restaurant wondering what I was going to do. I wanted to go home but I just couldn't go outside by myself; however, I knew I couldn't stay in the restaurant because he could've come back at any second. I felt so confused and so alone. I was happy to not be dead but I was upset that I was still alive. My mind was really messed up in that moment.
Before I made my decision on what to do, I heard movement behind me. When I turned around, I saw an old woman sitting at a table.
"Where the hell did she come from?" I thought to myself.
I knew she wasn't sitting there the entire time and I would've seen her walk in because I was facing the door.
"Mya," she said as she walked towards me, "calm down. Everything will be alright. God won’t give you anything that you can't handle. You are smart, talented, and beautiful. Don't feel like you want to give up because of what you are going through. You have too many people in your life that loves you unconditionally. You have a mother that would do anything for you, you have a father that will kill for you despite of what you believe about him, and you have a boyfriend who someday wants to marry you."
"Marry me?" I wondered to myself.
"So don't allow outside people to come into your life and put you down because no one is bigger than God... NO ONE!"
"How do you know all this? Where did you come from? How do you know my name?" I asked.
"Stop asking questions and just finally listen. God has been trying to talk to you your whole life but you can never hear him. So in order to get your attention, he has to talk to you through your conscience. When that doesn't work, he would talk to you through your body and through other people. And if that fails, he would sometimes put us through horrible situations so you can learn from your mistake and to teach you a lesson. God loves you, Mya, and he will never give up on you! Even if life feels like it's way too much to handle, even if no one else will be there when you need them, God is here for you and you can always count on him. When you are feeling down he will always be there to comfort you. Just let go and let God."
When she said that, I started crying even harder than before.
"Come here, Mya. Come here," she said as she hugged me tighter. "You will get through this... You will get through this!"
I couldn't say anything. I was just so confused and in disbelief of what was going on.
"Now you go home, Mya. Just walk on home," she said,
"Don't worry," she interrupted. "God will protect you. You are finally listening to what he has to say. Nothing else will happen to you. Just trust that God will be your shield and your protection."
I stood up and walked towards the door. I turned around to thank her but before I could, she stopped me.
"Shhhh, no need to thank me. Just thank God... If you really want to know where I came from then contact the school down the street. Ask them for Mrs. Smith from the Nursing Department... You two will figure it out."
I smiled then left.
On my way home, I was still hurt and ashamed but I felt protected. I was alone, afraid, depressed but somehow I felt protected.
When I got home, I was surprised to see that my mother wasn't there. She would usually be in her room or in the living room on the phone, but she wasn't. I then started to feel nervous. I wasn't ready to be at home alone.
"What if that guy was watching me walk home the whole time and decides to break in? What if he is watching me through my window? What if he is hiding under my bed?" I said to myself.
I immediately started to panic. I was really messed up and more paranoid then I've ever been before. I ran to the kitchen and quickly searched through the drawers.
"Where is it? Where is that fucking knife?"
I couldn't find that butcher knife I had when I was out with Rico the first night, but I did find a 10 inch bread knife. It just so happened to be sitting on the counter next to an half of bottle of Bacardi Gold. I grabbed the knife and liquor then ran to my mother's room.
"TRY TO GET ME AND I WILL FUCKIN' KILL YOU!" I yelled as I ran into her closet.
I sat on the floor and started downing the bottle of Bacardi. I had to have drank at least half a pint straight. One minute I was laughing, the next I was crying. I would hold up the knife to my throat then just rub it around my face.
"What the hell is wrong with me, Lord?... Why? Why am I going crazy?... WHY, LORD?!... ANSWER ME!!!!"
I felt so hopeless. I was drunk, sitting in the closet, holding a knife, and talking to myself. I thought I just
On my way home, I was still hurt and ashamed but I felt protected. I was alone, afraid, depressed but somehow I felt protected.
When I got home, I was surprised to see that my mother wasn't there. She would usually be in her room or in the living room on the phone, but she wasn't. I then started to feel nervous. I wasn't ready to be at home alone.
"What if that guy was watching me walk home the whole time and decides to break in? What if he is watching me through my window? What if he is hiding under my bed?" I said to myself.
I immediately started to panic. I was really messed up and more paranoid then I've ever been before. I ran to the kitchen and quickly searched through the drawers.
"Where is it? Where is that fucking knife?"
I couldn't find that butcher knife I had when I was out with Rico the first night, but I did find a 10 inch bread knife. It just so happened to be sitting on the counter next to an half of bottle of Bacardi Gold. I grabbed the knife and liquor then ran to my mother's room.
"TRY TO GET ME AND I WILL FUCKIN' KILL YOU!" I yelled as I ran into her closet.
I sat on the floor and started downing the bottle of Bacardi. I had to have drank at least half a pint straight. One minute I was laughing, the next I was crying. I would hold up the knife to my throat then just rub it around my face.
"What the hell is wrong with me, Lord?... Why? Why am I going crazy?... WHY, LORD?!... ANSWER ME!!!!"
I felt so hopeless. I was drunk, sitting in the closet, holding a knife, and talking to myself. I thought I just
Then I heard footsteps. I gripped the knife tight, opened the closet door then started to yell. "YOU THINK I'M PLAYING WITH YOU? I WILL KILL YOU! I WILL HURT LIKE YOU HURT ME!" I said as my mother walked in the door.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" my mother screamed.
I paused for a second as intoxication took over me then looked at her. "Ma?" I asked confusingly.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" she yelled from the door way. "I've been calling you but I get no answer, no one knew where you were then I come in and you're DRUNK?!"
"I'm sorry, Ma. I'm sorry!" I said sadly as I looked down at the almost empty liquor bottle.
"No, I'm sorry, Mya," my mother said angrily. "I'm sorry that your life is so hard that you feel the need to drink it away... You are not the only one going through things. I have to deal with my life and your bull 24 hours of the day and you have the nerve to be in here drunk?"
"No Ma, it's not like that. I..."
"Then what is it like then?" she interrupted. "WHAT IS IT LIKE?! Look at you. You are standing there with an almost empty bottle of MY Bacardi and you're holding a knife. You are getting out of control and I don't know what to do with you anymore."
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ME?" I yelled as I walked towards her. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ME?! YOU ARE ACTING LIKE I'M THE WORSE THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU OR SOMETHING! I HAVE NEVER BEEN OUT OF CONTROL. I AM A REALLY GOOD PERSON AND YOU WOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU TOOK THE TIME OUT TO TALK TO ME! CAN YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND? JUST LISTEN TO WHAT I'M ABOUT TO TELL YOU!"
"NO! You listen to me! You are not about to stand there yelling at me and you damn sure are not about to act like I don't love you! You are a good person, Mya but you are not acting like it! Look, I like Rico a lot but since you met him, you've been acting out. He's obviously a bad influence on you and I don't want you seeing him anymore."
"NO!" I screamed. "DON'T BRING HIM INTO THIS! HE IS THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS WORLD THAT CARES ABOUT ME AND YOU WANT TO TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME?! I'M A GROWN WOMAN NOW. YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CAN NOT SEE!"
I threw the bottle of liquor at the wall then started knocking stuff off her dresser. I was so drunk that I almost stabbed myself while trying not to fall over.
"MYA! STOP IT! STOP IT!" She ran across the room and slapped the hell outta me. It took everything in me not to hit her back. As sad and as drunk as I was, no amount of liquor could make me hit my mama. I dropped the knife and set on the floor sobbing.
"MYA, I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE! You need to go and live with your father this summer until you start college. You are going to have to stay at your auntie's house until your graduation because I can't deal with your shit anymore!
She turned around and left the room.
"NO, MA! NO!" I yelled as I listened to her storm down the hall way. "DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME! I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY!.. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!"
When I heard then front door open and close, I felt even worse.
"MA! I GOT RAPED!... I GOT RAPED!" I said sobbing. "THEN I WAS MOLESTED! PLEASE PLEASE LISTEN! PLEASE FIX IT!"
But it was too late. She already left the house. And once again I was alone. I was left alone with my thoughts, my hurt, my pain. Once again, I was left alone with just myself...
The next morning, I woke up in my mother's bed with the knife in my hand. I looked around her room and it was just chaos. I felt so horrible but I was somehow calm. I immediately started cleaning up. I cleaned up her room, the rest of the house, and I even made her breakfast and left her a "sorry and I won't ever do it again" note. I knew that wasn't enough for the way I acted but it was better than nothing. I thought she would be home at least by the afternoon, but she wasn't, so I gave up and put her food in the refrigerator. I finally put my phone on the charger and turned it on. I had 21 missed calls and messages.
"Wow," I whispered as I checked my voice mails.
Eight were from my mother, seven were from Rico, three were from Bri, two were from Ashley, and one was from Josh.
"Damn, Josh is still leaving me messages? He just won’t stop."
I finally got the nerve to call Rico. Waiting for him to answer the phone made my heart beat uncontrollably.
"Hello? Mya?" he said quickly. "Where are you? I've been calling and calling, sending you texts, voicemails, but I never got a response. I got worried because you always answer your phone. I had a bad feeling that something might have happened to you. I don't know why but I got a strong urge to just look for you. I roamed around the neighborhood for about 30 minutes then I went to your house. After about 20 minutes of knocking and ringing the door bell, I figured that I was over reacting and that you were at Bri's house or something so I left."
I sat on the phone silently.
"Are you okay, Kamya?" he asked. "What happened last night?"
I took a deep breath. "Can you just please come get me?" I whispered.
"Baby, why you sound like that? What's wrong with you?"
"Just please come get me, Rico. Please?!"
"Ok OK. I'll come get you."
By the time I was done packing a suit case, he was outside. I told him not to come in but to meet me at the door. When I saw Rico, I felt like it was the happiest day of my life. I hugged him so hard and so long, I thought I was going to fall asleep. I gave him my suit case and took off running to the car. I felt safe with Rico but for some reason, I felt uncomfortable being outside.
"Mya, what was that all about? You ran to the car like it was raining or something," he said as he started the car.
I didn't say anything, I just leaned my head on the window.
"Baby, what the hell is going on?" He pulled back my hair and noticed a light bruise on my face. "What the fuck? Who hit you?"
"My mama did," I said as I started to cry. "Why would she hit you, Mya?"
"Because I went crazy."
"Crazy?... What you mean you went crazy?"
I didn't answer him.
"So you not gonna tell me?... Kamya, I’ve been worried about you all fuckin' night and when I woke up this morning. I just want to know what is going on."
"Let's just go to your house, Rico.
I was going to tell him, but not right then. I just wanted to lay my head on the seat and watch him drive. I didn't want to think about anything or say anything. I just wanted to watch him drive.
When we pulled up to his apartment, I felt relieved to get away from mine. I felt like I was just leaving yesterday behind and finally starting a new day. I knew it wouldn't be that easy to get over what happened but for that moment it was. He grabbed my hand and my suitcase, and walked me into his place.
I loved going over Rico's house because it was quiet, peaceful, and it smelled like him. Oh, and it was huge. I've never seen an apartment on the south side of Chicago that big… I just felt like I was at home.
I went straight to his room and laid on his bed. I just felt so comfortable especially when he came and lay next to me. I felt like I was finally where I was supposed to be.
"Ok, now tell me what's wrong with you," he said as he rubbed my feet.
"Um," I said, trying to stay calm and keep my composure.
"Um, what?" he asked impatiently. "Is it that hard for you to tell me?"
It wasn't hard to tell him. I just didn't know how. I didn't know if I should start with the bad news or the really bad news. I had a lot of stuff going through my head. What if he broke up with me because it was too much to deal with? What if he blamed me? What if he didn't care?... I decided to start with the bad news and work my way up.
"Ok, I was molested last night in the restaurant down the street from my house."
"What?!" Rico yelled as he dropped my foot.
"He strangled me, ripped my clothes, grabbed my breast... Rico, he threatened me!"
"Wait wait wait! Hold up, Hold the fuck up! You mean to tell me that some motha fucka choked you and touched you?"
"Yes," I said sadly.
"He touched my Girl?" he yelled. "He touched MY FUCKIN' GIRL!!!"
"Who the fuck was it?... Tell me now! Who the fuck was it?"
"I don't know his na..."
"Well tell me something!" he interrupted.
"He was charcoal black, he had braids, and he had some fucked up gold teeth."
"What?! You talking about Terrell?... WHAT! I was just with that bitch last night!... What time did this happen, Mya?"
"I don't know. I left Bri house around 7:40 so it had to have been around ••••."
He sat there quietly for a second then shook his head.
"I drove past him at 8:27 and let him get a ride. He said that he was just fuckin' with some hoe named Jessica but she dissed him so he had to set her straight."
"He was talking about me Rico!" I cried. "He was talking to me!"
I didn't know how small this world was until that moment.
"Mya, I am going to..."
"Wait, " I interrupted him. "Before you finish, let me just tell you what else happened."
He sat there quietly looking like his head was about to explode.
"What else happened?" he said, trying to calm down.
I didn't know if I should tell him about Jamel because it was Bri's baby daddy. I wanted to back out of telling him but it was too late.
"Ok," I said as I took a deep breath. "I... Um..."
I could tell that he was breathing hard because of his chest moving up and down.
"I was… I WAS RAPED!" I started crying and shaking my head. "I WAS RAPED, RICO!"
"Oh, Kamya, Don't cry baby... FUCK!"
"I'm sorry, Rico. I didn't mean to get raped. Please don't think it was my fault! Please don't leave me alone," I begged. "I didn't want to have sex with...!"
"Baby, why are you apologizing? He had no business doing that… SHIT MAN! WHAT THE FUCK?"
"But I shouldn’t have trusted him, Rico! It was my fault! I shouldn't have trusted him!"
"Mya, baby! Look, no man in this world has any business touching you in anyway unless it's me! Not even your fuckin' doctor!"
As soon as he said doctor, I remembered that he didn't use a condom. When I told Rico that, he looked like he was about to spit fire.
"WHAT! HE HAD SEX WITH YOU RAW, MYA!" He stood up and started pacing back and forth until he punched the wall. I never saw him like that before and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if he was mad at me or if he would even stay with me at that point. One thing I did know was that I needed him.
"WHO THE FUCK WAS IT! WHO RAPED YOU!... THAT SON OF A BITCH! IM ABOUT TO KILL THIS NIGGA! WHO RAPED YOU!"
"RICO! SIT DOWN!" I yelled as I watched anger take over him.
"NO! TELL ME WHO FUCKIN' RAPED YOU, KAMYA!"
"RICO, PLEASE! PLEASE STOP YELLING AT ME!" I cried. PLEASE!...YOU ARE SCARING ME, RICO!"
He rubbed his face then sat down next to me. After he angrily looked at me for a few seconds, he wrapped his arms around me.
"Baby, I am so sorry. I'm not trying to scare you. I just can't believe that this happened to you. It hurts me like hell that I'm not out there right now hunting those motha fuckas down. Baby, please don't think it's your fault. If anything it's my fault that I let this happen to you but don't blame yourself."
I was crying so hard that I was shaking in his arms. As much as he said that it wasn't my fault, I still believed that it was.
He held me close to him as we lay back on the bed. Him and I had only been together for 2 months prior to that day. The fact that he was lying there with me and rubbing my back instead of blaming me and kicking me out his house, told me just how strong of a person he was and that he really did love me.
We were quiet for about 15 minutes until he started talking again. "Mya, are you going to tell me who did this to you?"
I really didn't want to because I didn't want Rico to kill him and leave Bri and her baby to fend for themselves... But I knew that if I didn't tell somebody then I would never be able to heal from it.
"It was Jamel; Brianna's baby daddy."
"What? Brianna is pregnant?... How did he do that without her knowing?"
"Uh Oh," was all I thought. I didn't want him to know that I met a dude off Vibe Line and trusted him enough to go over his house alone... But I wasn't a liar. It was the truth. And as much as I didn't want to lose Rico, I had to face the consequences of making dumb choices.
"Well, before I met you, I met him on Vibeline. I thought he was a good friend and he invited me in his house. The ONLY reason why I went in is because I thought his whole family was there and I really had to use the bathroom. I didn't want a ride from him because I was uncomfortable but I got one anyway and I regret it."
He didn't say anything. He just lie quietly and continued to rub my back. I didn't know if he was alright or if he wanted to kick me out his house.
"Rico, are you mad at me? Please say something."
He took a deep breath. "Look, Mya. I know I I went off on you when your ex kept callin' your phone but I meant what I said about trusting you. I know you wouldn't put yourself in that situation on purpose. I'm not mad at you. You made an honest mistake and I'm sorry you have to deal with all this. But I will never leave you, Mya. I promise you that." He looked into my eyes then softly kissed my forehead.
When he said that he would never leave me, I started thinking about what the old lady in the restaurant told me. "Did Rico really want to marry me? Did he really want me to be his wife in the future?" I started smiling because I knew the answers to both of those questions...
After a short while went past, I fell asleep on his chest. When I woke up, he was still sleep. The words of the old lady from the restaurant kept playing in my head over and over. I just had to know who she was. Even though she told me not to, I wanted to at least say thank you to her. So I decided to call the school that she said to call.
After I found the number to the school, I picked up my cell phone then called.
"Hi, this is Mrs. Griffin. How may I help you," said the receptionist from the school.
"Hi, Mrs. Griffin. How are you?... Um, I was calling to speak to a woman by the name of Mrs. Smith. I'm not sure what her first name is.
"Ok, let me check. Just a second please."
The wait seemed to take forever.
"Ok, hello?" the lady said through the phone.
"Yes, I'm still here."
"Ok, well, we don't have a Mrs. Smith that works here. Maybe you have the wrong school?"
"No, this is the only school close to my area, Ma'am... She said that she works in the nursing department and to..."
"We don't have a nursing department here."
"Um, she told me that she worked there. There must be a mistake."
"No. My computer has the list of everyone that has ever worked here. I'm sorry I couldn't help you. Have a nice day."
"I know she didn't just hang up on me," I said as I put my phone back on the charger.
"If that lady don't work there than who the hell is she?"
I sat there and replayed her words in my head over and over.
"She told me to call the school and ask for her then she said that 'you two will figure it out'."
I always did like logic puzzles but damn, that shit was hard.
"Wait, you two? Who is you two?... Me and Rico?"
I woke Rico up and told him what happened and he said the same thing that I was thinking.
"Maybe she was your guardian angel or something. That stuff is real you know."
"I know but why would she tell me to call the school then?"
"I don't know... Maybe she knew that calling the school would help you to figure out that she wasn't real."
"Of course she was real, Rico," I said laughing.
"You know what I mean," he smiled.
"Wow, was she my Guardian Angel? Was I ignoring God for that long that he had to send me a guardian angel, "thought to myself.
Thinking about that situation made me cringe. Even writing this story today makes me get goose bumps because I never imagined that I would be in that situation. An angel? Wow. I always was a Christian and I still am today so I know that God can make anything happen, but talking to an angel seems kind of... impossible. But of course I believed it!
"Mya, I need to talk to you," Rico said as he stood up and went to his dresser.
"Look, I want you to have something."
He went in his dresser and pulled out a box then handed it to me. I opened the box and my jaw dropped.
"Um, Rico. What do you expect me to do with this?"
"Use it when you need to, Baby."
It was a Kahr MK9 hand gun. It was so tiny, and kinda cute, but I couldn't walk around knowing I had a gun on me.
"Use it? What do you mean use it?"
"Look baby," he said as set next to me, "I need to know that when I'm not with you, you are protected. I don't want to feel like every time I drop you off at home, something bad is going to happen to you. You may not ever have to use it but you having a gun is better than not having anything. It's either that or I kill every mutha fuckin' man in this city."
"Mya, why do you ask questions that you already know the answers to?"
"So you have?"
I was shocked. I kind of already knew he did but it felt weird actually hearing him say it.
"One time when I was about 19..."
I could tell it hurt him to talk about it but I just had to know.
"...I walked in on my mama being raped. The really fucked up part of it was that my baby sister's dead body was naked in the bed with them."
"Oh my God," I whispered shockingly.
"When I walked in the house, I heard my mother screaming. When I ran to her room, the first thing I saw was blood all over my mother's face and she looked like she was dead. Then I looked over and saw my baby sister's naked body lying next to them. He was touching on baby sister's body while he was raping my mother."
"That's when you shot him?" I asked.
"No," He said while he looked away," I broke his neck."
"Oh, Lord," I whispered as I looked to the ground.
I could tell that Rico was strong and that he could fight but I didn't know that he could do all of that.
"I immediately checked my little sister," he continued, "to see if she was alive but she wasn't. That's when I saw that he raped her too because it was blood on her vagina and thighs."
"How old was your sister?"
"She was 3," he whispered sadly.
When he said that, I tried my hardest to be strong for him but I just couldn't. I broke down crying. Why are people so evil?
"Baby, who was the man that did that too them?" I asked. He paused then looked over at me. "It was my father, Kamya."
I felt so sorry for him and for asking those questions. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to make him feel better. I wanted to just see him smile again.
"Rico, are you ok?" I asked as I grabbed his hand.
"Yeah, I'm fine... Baby, I had years to deal with this shit. I don't let it get to me anymore. I'm not a cold blooded killer or anything. It's just that seeing my mother and little sister like that really fucked me up. Especially since it was my father that did that bull shit to them... I pray every day that God forgives me for taking his life but if I could go back and do it over, I would kill him again..."
The words he spoke made me shiver, but then again, could you blame him?
"...That has a lot to do with the reason why I'm so fuckin' pissed off about what happened to you. You, my mother, and my baby sister are the only females that I ever loved and y'all got raped. So you know what I have to do right?"
I knew what he was about to say but I really didn't want to hear it. I looked at him but didn't say anything.
"I have to kill those niggas that did this shit to you!" he said as he stood back up.
"Rico, you can't kill Jamel because he is the father of Bri's baby and I can't live knowing that she will be hurt."
"BULLSHIT, Mya! I can't fuckin' live knowing that the bitch that raped you is walkin' around. How you know he won’t harm Briana or her baby?"
"I don't know. I haven't figured that out yet. I haven't even told her that yet."
"So she don't know?" he asked as he looked over at me. "Well, that makes it easier for me to get away with this shit."
"Rico, you love me right?"
"Ok, so can you please promise me that you won’t kill them?... I don't want to lose you! I don't want you to go to prison! Baby, I don't know what I would do if something happened to you!"
"I love you, Kamya, and I don't want to lose you either and as much as it fuckin' hurts me to see you like this, I do promise that I won’t go looking for Jamel... But, I better not see that bitch in this neighborhood."
"But, Rico, Bri stay right around the corner from...."
"I don't give a fuck! I better not ever see his ass or I will kill him!"
I took a deep breath then looked down.
"And what about the dude that molested me?"
"That nigga gone get FUCKED UP!" Rico yelled angrily.
It was then 5 pm and Rico told me he was taking me to the doctor. I hoped and prayed that nothing was wrong. It did give me the peace of mind to know hat Bri was pregnant by him because that meant that he didn't give her any STDs which meant that I may not have had any. I knew I wasn't pregnant because I had my period the week before and women don't usually ovulate until two weeks after their period.
On our way to the doctor, I called my mother. I was hoping that she wouldn't answer because I wasn't ready to talk to her. And she didn't so I decided to leave her a voice mail.
"Hi, Ma. I was calling to apologize for what I've done last night. I had no business yelling at you like that or being drunk. You are a wonderful mother and I hope that you can forgive me. I hope you liked your breakfast that I made you this morning; I put it in the fridge for you... I really am sorry and I won’t ever hurt you again, Ma... I'm staying with Briana until we can work things out. Bye."
I didn't like lying to my mother but I couldn't tell her that I was staying with Rico. She did really like him and how he treated me but I was still her daughter and me staying with a man wouldn't make her happy.
We finally got to the clinic and I was shocked to see how many people were waiting. The clinic we went to only accepted walk-ins so I didn't need to make an appointment.
"Hi. What is your name and birthday? We need them for our records," The receptionist asked me as I walked up to her window.
"My name is Kamya and my birthday is August of 1990."
"Ok, Kamya. Do you have your insurance card?"
"Um, I didn't know I needed insurance. The sign said that the clinic was free."
"It's only free depending on the type of insurance you have," she responded.
"That don't make since," I said upsettingly. "If I need insurance then it's not free."
"I don't make the rules... If you don't have insurance than you have to pay."
"How much is it?" Rico asked.
"No, Rico," I said as I looked over at him. "You don't have to pay. We can just go to another clinic that is free."
I didn't care how much money me and him had. I was still cheap. I don't believe in wasting money just because you have it.
"Mya, we not gonna find another clinic that's still open at this time a day. I'll just pay for it... How much is It, Ma'am?" Rico asked while pulling out a roll of cash.
"Rico, why can't you ever be normal?" I said laughing. "Why you gotta take a stack with you everywhere you go. Have you ever tried just taking 40 dollars with you when you left the house?"
"40 dollars? What's that?" he said jokingly.
"The cost is added up depending out what you are here for," the lady said.
" Um, I'm here for a std check," I said in a low voice so that no one in the lobby could hear me.
"Oh, ok... The cost for the testing will be 213 dollars since we give the results back the same day and that doesn’t include any medicine that you might need."
"Ok, we'll pay," Rico said.
"Ok, you're all set," the lady said after she took Rico's money. "All you have to do is read these papers and sign the bottom. When you're done, the doctor will call you in."
When we sat down, I immediately started reading and signing the papers. I don't know why I had to sign more than one because they all seemed to say the same thing... I was somewhat calm while waiting for the doctor but Rico was a mess.
"Damn, this doctor needs to hurry her ass up!" he said while looking at his wrist watch for the time.
"Rico, calm down. You don't have shit to do," I said laughing.
A few minutes later, the nurse walked into the lobby with a male doctor behind her. "Ok, Mya. This is Doctor Ross. He will be seeing you tonight," she said.
I immediately started to panic when I saw him because I didn't want a male doctor. For some reason I started getting paranoid and sweaty. I started to feel like I was about to get raped again.
Rico saw my face and saw how horrified I was so he went over to talk to the nurse.
"Can I go in with her?" he asked.
"No, I'm sorry. Only a spouse can be in the room when we do the exams."
"Look, she has been through a lot lately. Are there any female doctors that can see her?"
"Yes, but the female doctors are backed up right now. It can take up to 2 hours for them to see her."
"Well, we'll just wait then," he said. He walked back over to me and sat me down. "You ok, baby?"
"Rico, please don't make me go in there. Can we just go to the Emergency Room, they'll let you in with me."
"Mya, if we go to the emergency room, we'll have to have a reason. And since you don't want to tell on that nigga then we can't say that you got raped." While he talked, he looked around to make sure no one heard us talking.
I got quiet and looked down. I wanted to cry again but my eyes were sore from earlier. I just couldn't believe that all that stuff happened to me. I couldn't believe that it made me scared to see the doctor. How long could I live in paranoia?
After an hour of listening to Rico's complaints, the doctor was finally ready for me.
"Ok, Kamya," the nurse said as she walked into the lobby. "The doctor will see you now."
"Ok, baby," Rico said as he rubbed my leg. "You ready to go in?"
I shook my head but I knew I had to get it over with. I got up and walked slowly to the nurse. Even though I knew I had a female doctor I was still freaking out.
Walking in the long hallway to my exam room, made me feel like I was on death row. I felt like I was in hand cuffs walking to the electric chair.
"Ok Kamya. You're room is room 13."
I slowly walked down the hallway then entered the room. When I saw a male doctor sitting in there, I started to panic.
"Nooo! You tricked me!" I yelled at the nurse. "You said I had a female doctor! You set me up!" I started to feel myself become paranoid and dizzy. I didn't know what was going on with me but I know it was more than what I thought.
"Mya, calm down," The nurse said, "Your room is 13, this is room 12."
I apologized to the doctor and went to to the correct room. My heart was beating so fast, I could hear it through my chest.
"What is happening to me?"
Ten minutes later the female doctor came in.
"Hi, how are you? My name Is Doctor Carry. What brings you in today?" she asked.
I waited until she closed the door then I told her I needed a std check.
"Ok, we can do that," she said. She reached in the drawer and handed me a gown. "I want you to get undressed from the waist down and I'll be back in 10 minutes."
When I started to undress, I felt those feelings or paranoia again. I felt the room getting smaller and the lights going dim. I started panicking and sweating that had feelings of someone watching me so I started looking around the room for cameras.
"I know there's one in here. I know you sick ass doctors are watching me!"
Five minutes later, I felt calm. I remembered that Rico was in the lobby waiting for me and I knew that God was watching me so I felt protected.
I finished undressing then sat on the table. Less than five minutes later, the doctor came back. She gave me an uncomfortable pelvic exam and when the results came back, everything was negative.
"Ok, Kamya. We're all done," the doctor said. "Now all you have to do is pee in this cup and take it back to the lab."
"Why do I have to pee in a cup if we're finished?" I asked.
"For your pregnancy test.."
I looked at her oddly. "But I didn't ask for a pregnancy test. I know I'm not pregnant."
"Oh you don't want a test? The guy in the lobby asked us to give you a test."
Why would Rico ask for a test? We both knew that Jamel didn't get me pregnant and if he did then it wouldn't show up for at least a month. If I was pregnant then I would have to have been pregnant before I got raped. Why did he ask for a test? Did Rico think that he got me pregnant?
"Ok, I'll take the test," I said as I grabbed the cup off the table. "Um doctor, I just had my period a week an ago so I want to know, can you be pregnant and still have a period?"
"Technically no because no eggs are released when you are pregnant; however, you can have vaginal bleeding that most women mistake as being a period. The vaginal bleeding can come on the same day as your period normally would and it can leave around the same time."
When I was done talking to the doctor, I went to the bathroom, peed in the cup, then walked over to the lab.
"Oh My God, is there a possibility that I can be pregnant with Rico's baby?" I asked to myself...