I'm a 22 year old virgin living in Los Angeles.  I've always wanted to wait until I fall in love to have sex with someone.  I've been very close two separate times but both times I found out that they were already in a relationship with children.

To say that I'm just horny is an understatement.  I don't want to compromise what I have been looking for, which is truly being in love and having someone love me back. On the other hand what I need I can't begin to put in words. I'm way past being sexually frustrated.

I need to figure out if these feelings are normal. The longer I wait the more I feel pressured to find that person to love, but the deeper my sexual feelings become as well.


Torn and confused

Torn and Confused,

Life is very simple.  It’s about making choices and accepting the impact of those choices without regret.  When people experience, doubt, confusion or fear from a choice that they have made with their lives it’s because they have not fully accepted the ramifications of their decision.

People straddle the fence with life decisions for various reasons (religion, job, parents, friends).  In other words, they alter their behavior because they are concerned about what someone else thinks.  When this occurs they become conflicted toggling from what they really want to conforming to society’s viewpoint.

You are at war with yourself right now because you cannot make some simple decisions.  You crave sex but you don’t want it until you find love.  Personally I feel that both are mutually exclusive but if you have made the choice for the two to go together for whatever reason then you need to fully embrace your decision.

You need to distance yourself from all things that tempt you to have sex without love.  You need to focus on making yourself the type of woman for the type of man that you want to love.  Do so, of regret.

Now if you can’t do the above devoid of regret and confusion then you need to be honest with yourself and determine if that is what you really want.   Because if it isn’t, then you need to decouple your need for sex…with…love and find enjoyment in occasional sex…while…you look for love.

Do so…without guilt.

Whose your Daddy?


Following is Torn & Confused's reply back to me after I replied to her question.  If you have a question for me email me at with "Daddy" or some derivation in the subject line.


First off I would like to start by saying thank you very much for taking the time to not only read what I wrote, but also for taking the time to respond to me. I know you must be busy and it means a lot that you kept your word.


It's interesting to me how you analyzed me with the little info I wrote to you. I think everything you said was exactly what I'm going through. I'm at war with myslef. I'm the oldest of 6 and I've always wanted to be the perfect example to my siblings.(I know I'm not perfect but I try) I have always been considered the "good one".  I make decisions based on the fact that everyone is watching me, and I want them to be able to see that it is possible to do the right things almost all the time. With that I stopped thinking about what makes me happy and more about how people will feel about the decisions I make.


Even in relationships for me, I have never required anyone to do much to make me happy. I have always been a giver. It really wasn't clear to me until I read what you wrote about making decisions without regret. I always do what I feel will make others proud of me instead of finding what truly makes me happy. Sitting here I really can't think of much that makes me happy that wasn't influenced by someone else which is sad.


I've always thought that sex is meaningless if it isn't with someone you care about. For a while now I've convinced myself that by saving myself for that special person it will somehow show him that I'm devoted to only him, and I waited to find him. I know that probably sounds cheesy but that's how I've always thought about, so now that my sexual urges are increasing I started to feel that I may do something that people would consider to be out of my character.


I don't know if there is one thing that tempts me sexually. A few nights ago it was a dream of my ex, other times it can be a song, a book, or more often just random thoughts.


I'm sorry for going all over the place. I understand what you've said its just changing something that I've done for so long may be difficult. Thank you again.


Without Regrets

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