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I'm a 23 and I have been married for nine months. My husband used to make me so hot by foreplay before we got married. We were so electric before, we really couldn't keep our hands off one another.

We used to make love everywhere using toys and role play, but now he is so boring!!! And it’s like he don't want to explore any more. Get my drift? Now it’s no foreplay to set the mood at all. What can I do to get him back to pleasing me?

Signed Not so Hot

Not so Hot,

You’re languishing in what I like to call “The Halo Effect”. Normally this dynamic occurs with white, Catholic men but surprisingly there are a number of black men in the Baptist and Pentecostal church who are afflicted with this issue.

“The Halo Effect”, is when a man who would have no problems being sexually adventuress with what a woman that he considers is a ho, refuses to seek out the same sexual urges with his wife. He does this because he puts a “Halo” on her and regards her reverently such that he can’t fathom having anything but STR8 missionary sex with her.

I have a friend who loves to get head and have anal sex. But he…never…engages in those practices with his wife. However, he has no problem getting side pieces that he considers a ho to satiate his urges. I asked him on several occasions why he was cheating on a wife that would probably satisfy his needs and he lost his fucking mind yelling at me about how he could, “…never do that to his wife.”

And that’s the major problem with these types of men. They still have the freaky urges that they do not engage in with their wives so they seek out a mistress or worse prostitutes. To be frank, I’m surprised that you’re husband married you.

Don’t get me wrong, I think that you’re a wonderful, well-adjusted young woman. However, these types of men typically marry virgins or women who are not that sexually experienced. You must have really had his nose open for him to put a ring on your finger with his mind-set. Unfortunately for you as soon as he did “The Halo Effect” kicked in his brain.

My advice to you is to get him in counseling…immediately. You need a third party that will confront and break down the barrier in his mind that is keeping him from building a healthy and varied sexual relationship with his wife.

It’s going to take some work because he has a mind-set that took most of his life to build. However, you need to deal with this issue before he cheats…or you.

Good Luck.

Who’s your Daddy?

EVITA PERONI Summer 2012

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